


Impossible Year

by chchchchcherrybomb



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Depressed Sirius Black, Depression, Friendship, Gay Sirius Black, Gen, Lily Evans & James Potter Friendship, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Marauders' Era, Sad Sirius Black, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Whomping Willow prank, mention of Sirius Black/Benjy Fenwick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 16:18:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9192197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chchchchcherrybomb/pseuds/chchchchcherrybomb
Summary: At the end of their fifth year of Hogwarts, the likelihood of Lily Evans and Sirius Black becoming mates was about as good as Lily Evans accepting James Potter’s invitation to Hogsmeade – not bloody likely. The pair of Marauders might have been her housemates, but they were not her friends. Not even after she stopped speaking to Severus had she considered them anything more than a pair of irritants.But at the start of their sixth year, it seemed that the universe had other plans.When you mix some tension into a warzone, you’re bound to find that there are some people who can’t sleep at night. As she stared dejectedly at the crossword, Lily looked up to see Sirius Black slouching into the Common Room, alone, a hand towel pressed to his nose, soaking up blood. He had a swollen cheek, and seemed to be limping.“Are you alright?” She asked, standing up as he crossed the room.“Brilliant,” Sirius muttered, heading for the dormitory stairs. He stopped suddenly, to look at the crossword in the dim light of the fire. “Dragon’s blood.”“What?”“Fourteen down. On the crossword? It’s three of the twelve uses of dragon’s blood.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> When I wrote "When" I got a few comments on Lily and Sirius's friendship. Turns out I had been sitting on their friendship origin story for a couple of years, so it felt like time to let it go. 
> 
> Note: The parts marked as (Now) take place in the Summer of 1977, between MWPP+L's sixth and seventh years. The parts marked (Then) take place over their sixth year (September 1976-July 1977).

**(Now)**

Lily rolled over, sighing, as she heard the telephone trill. When Tuney had still lived here, the phone had rung often enough from her room that Lily was rather accustomed to sleeping through it. However, since Petunia had left home for London last year the phone stayed mostly silent, though it had migrated to Lily’s room for the rare occasion she needed a phone. Which was why, surprised to hear it ringing at all on a warm summer morning, Lily sighed and blinked at it several times to be certain she wasn’t imagining it.

On the third ring, Lily quickly snatched the baby pink telephone from its cradle and muttered, “Hullo?”

“Greetings, Evans. How are you on this spectacular - _uh-_ Tuesday?”

“Who is this?”

A pause, as if the caller had not expected not to be recognized and was perhaps a little offended. “It’s um... It’s Sirius?” A beat. “Sirius Black? Acquaintance and housemate at Hogwarts for the last six years? Ridiculously good looking? Incredibly clever, prominent mischief maker, recipient of many docked points…? Is this ringing any bells?”

Now Lily knew she was imagining this. Or perhaps still dreaming. There was not a chance that her pureblood friend knew how to use a phone. “How did you get this number? Moreover, how do you know how to operate a telephone?”

“Please, Evans, you know I’ve taken four years of Muggle Studies. I got an O on the O.W.L. and everything.  I know how to use a _phone_ ,” He said, sounding half amused, half offended.

“Hey, sorry, but Potter didn’t know what a _screwdriver_ was last term so…”

“Well he never did pay attention in Muggle Studies. Incidentally Evans, that is how I got your number.”

“Because Potter doesn’t know a screwdriver from a hole in the floor?”

“No, no, darling, you gave it to me in third year. For a Muggle Studies project.”

Lily shook her head, knowing that this did not fit. “That doesn’t sound like something I would have done third year. I distinctly recall you and your mates turning my teeth blue for two days before the end of term.”

“...Okay, so you might have actually given this number to Remus, since his mum’s got a phone, and you _might_ have told him to call you… and I might have nicked the number a while back. In case of emergencies. And then I might have made up a story regarding third year Muggle Studies so you wouldn’t sound so befuddled by my ringing you. Basically I am a liar, but I am calling you now, so hello.”

“Why on Earth would you need to contact me in case of an emergency?” She was joking now. Of course he’d call on her in an emergency.

There was slightest of pauses. “Well… we’re mates, aren’t we?”

Lily smiled to herself. Oh Sirius. His swagger really was only skin deep. “I suppose we are mates, aren’t we? But the telephone? How did you figure you’d ever need that?”

“Because the sound of your melodious voice soothes me, and I perhaps I considered that important for getting through the lonely summer hols.”

“Very funny,” Lily remarked, smiling despite herself. “So, now that we’ve established how you managed the heroic feat of phoning… why _are_ you phoning? I’m assuming you’re not in need of soothing at this moment. You seem your ever-stoic and manly self.”

“Thank you for that. I am incredibly manly and stoic. Anyway, it just so happens that I am in town and thought perhaps you might permit me an audience later.”

“You’re in _Cokeworth_?”

There was a sigh on the other line like Sirius hadn’t anticipated having to do so much explaining when he got Lily on the line. “Er. Well, not technically. _Technically_ , I’m in Wolverhampton, but this nice bloke at the mechanic’s tells me that is a rather short journey to Cokeworth.”

“Dare I ask what brought you to a mechanic?”

“I would say that you ought not dare, but as the question is implied, I might gift upon your the riveting tale of heroism and-”

“ _Sirius._ ”

“I’m attempting to acquire a part for my motorbike.”

“You have a motorbike?” Lily asked excitedly, genuinely impressed. Clearly this took priority over her mild annoyance. Sirius was not joking about Muggle Studies.

“As of last week, yes. It needs a little work, and I am hoping to make some… erm… improvements to it in the long distance transportation department, but yes. I have one.”

“Please tell me that you’re coming to Cokeworth to show this to me.”

“Ohhh, so Evans likes a man on a bike, huh?”

“I do, I do.” Lily laughed. “So do I get to see this marvelous contraption or not?”

“I would dare to say yes. Would it be alright if I headed over to yours when I’m finished up here?”

“It is safe, right? The part you need isn’t missing or destroyed or desperately necessary to the functionality of the motorbike, is it?”

“Oh, Evans, I’m touched that you’re concerned for my safety, but the part I seek isn’t vital. It’s merely an attachment that could be most easily…” He paused, though whether for  dramatic effect or because someone might have been eavesdropping, she didn’t know, “bewitched to make my bike fly.”

Lily laughed again. “That’s either the most brilliant or the most idiotic thing I’ve heard, Sirius.”

“It’s a gift. So… can I turn up in about an hour?”

“Have you cleared it with your wife first? I know I’m not exactly his favorite person right now.”

Now Sirius laughed. Lily could picture him running a hand through his hair, embarrassed but also pleased at her joke. “Prongs is very busy with his short-term slave labor project, and I have free reign to amuse myself.”

“Still doing that internship at the Ministry then?”

“Who picks the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office for an internship? Honestly!”

“Someone whose best mate is bewitching a motorbike, apparently.”

Sirius laughed again. “So, pick you up in an hour?”

“I’ll dig out my best leather chaps for you.”

“Ciou, Evans.”

“Later Black.”

 

**(Then)**

At the end of their fifth year of Hogwarts, the likelihood of Lily Evans and Sirius Black becoming mates was about as good as Lily Evans accepting James Potter’s invitation to Hogsmeade –not bloody likely. The pair of Marauders might have been her housemates, but they were _not_ her friends. Not even after she stopped speaking to Severus had she considered them anything more than a pair of irritants.

But at the start of their sixth year, it seemed that the universe had other plans.

There were rumors swirling around Hogwarts since the start of term, saying that Sirius Black lived with James Potter’s family now. If you asked a Slytherin, they would say that he had been disowned and thrown out. If you asked a Gryffindor, the word on the street was that he had run away and been disowned after the fact. Black, for the most part hadn’t commented on the rumors, his head kept uncharacteristically down. Lily noticed that something about the energy of all the Marauders had waned. They were subdued. Whatever had happened, Lily imagined it must have been terrible to bleed into the group of trouble makers as a whole. There hadn’t even been any pranks to speak of since the start of the school year.

Lily of course, didn’t worry too much about all of this. She had more than enough on her mind, considering. She didn’t speak to Sev anymore. The war, which had felt like a distant, overblown rumor just two years ago was now a full fledged reality. A few students hadn’t returned to Hogwarts this year, their parents claiming that it wasn’t safe.

And well… when you mix some tension into a warzone, you’re bound to find that there are some people who can’t sleep at night.

And that was what kept Lily Evans staring into the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room at just after one am three weeks into September, arms around her knees, the latest Prophet issue crumpled but not entirely forgotten at her feet.

Four people dead in the last week. All Muggleborn.

It was getting hard not to picture herself, her name, among their number. The idea had crept into her thoughts and her brain was on such high alert that sleep was a foreign concept as of late. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth, her mind picturing her family. Tuney and Mum, cold and white, dead without a scratch on them...

Desperate for a distraction Lily picked the paper up again. She smoothed it out over her knee, and summoned a pencil from her dorm, which zoomed into her hand shortly thereafter. She started to do the crossword until her eyes stung and itched, and she found herself stuck on fourteen down: veruca, oven, spot.

The portrait hole swung open violently, and Lily could hear the Fat Lady saying, “Well, _really_!”

Lily looked up to see Sirius Black slouching in, alone, a hand towel pressed to his nose, soaking up blood. He had a swollen cheek, and seemed to be limping.

“Are you alright?” She asked, standing up as he crossed the room.

“Brilliant,” he muttered, heading for the dormitory stairs. He stopped suddenly, to look at the crossword in the dim light of the fire. “Dragon’s blood.”

“What?”

“Fourteen down. It’s three of the twelve uses of dragon’s blood.”

Lily stared at him, opening her mouth to say something.

He shook his head, shaggy black hair moving gracelessly, several strands sticking in the blood on his face. He turned around and headed up the steps.

Lily watched him go, but said nothing else.

 

**(Now)**

Approximately forty nine minutes after Sirius’s telephone call, Lily was dressed and showered, and chatting idly with her mother over toast in the kitchen.  It was sunny that day, and her mother mentioned Petunia’s engagement again, with an air of mild disapproval. Neither of the women left in the Evans household were entirely thrilled at the prospect of inviting the Dursleys into the family.

Mrs. Evans was rinsing out a mug in the sink when a loud roar of an engine cut through the tranquil quiet of their late morning chat.

Lily smiled brilliantly. “That’ll be Sirius.”

Mrs. Evans shook her head, a little amused. “Your friends always have such… unique names.”

Lily chuckled. “Only the boys, really. The girls have much more _-er-_ normal names. Like, Mary. And Alice. And… er…” She struggled here because the next name that honestly came to mind was Dorcas, which wasn’t bizarre so much as uncommon. “Marlene.”

Mrs. Evans smiled, and Lily took this as permission to leave to meet Sirius outside. As Lily burst through the front door, she was struck by the impressive pose her mate had struck in her driveway. Leather jacket, tight dark jeans, black sunglasses, and a cocky smirk leaning against a gleaming, gorgeous motorbike that glinted in the sun but… something didn’t quite fit. It took Lily a moment for the missing piece to become apparent.

His hair, typically worn long and elegantly disheveled was… missing.

Lily gasped dramatically." _Oh-my-God-Sirius!_ Your hair!"

Sirius’s smirk wilted a little. "I know."

“It’s gone!”

“I know.”

“You’re almost bald!”

“ _Hey!_ ”

"Sorry, sorry… I’m just surprised. What happened? Did you lose a fight with bewitched clippers? Did Po- did James shave your head when you were piss drunk?"

"It's not _that_ bad," Sirius pouted.

Lily tried to backtrack. "No, no, of course not... you just. Merlin, you look so... so..." She was searching for the right word that wouldn't offend him. "Proper. Like perhaps you haven't ever flooded a corridor with Felix Felicis. Innocent. Like a public school boy, but not the devious kind."

A faint blush seemed to creep into his cheeks. "Gee, Evans, thanks for that. Now I've lost my hair and my street cred." He rubbed a hand over the newly shorn locks, messing them so that several pieces stood up at odd angles in a very James Potter-ish way. "I look like a shorn baby sheep.”

"A lamb, you mean?"

"No. A baby sheep."

Lily shook her head, laughter still coloring her words. "So why the make over?"

Sirius's smile wilted a bit. "Oh. Um. My Uncle Alphard, he died fairly recently. Start of the summer. So. Mrs. Potter... thought I ought to look a little more put together for the funeral."

"Shit, I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

Sirius shrugged. "It's alright. We weren't... we weren't close by any means. He was probably the most decent of the Black clan, after 'Meda, but... We weren't close."

"Still. I'm sorry."

"Thanks."

“Did you have to see your family…?”

Sirius smirked again. “Oh, well, I-”

He stopped, eyes far off. Mrs. Evans peaked out the front door then, a bemused smile on her face as she took in their visitor, and Sirius trailed off. Lily’s mother appeared to be sizing him up from the doorway, her eyes roving over him as she took stock. The leather jacket, the sunglasses. The boots.

... The motorbike.

Lily wondered if this would finally be the moment that her mother drew the line and dragged her child back in the house and insisted that she stop with this magic nonsense already.

"Sirius, it is?" Mrs. Evans said, stepping off the stoop and down to shake Sirius's hand. His posture changed immediately; gone was the relaxed slouch and cocky smirk, replaced by a tentative smile and a straight back. Factoring in the haircut, you’d have no idea that this boy was a world class troublemaker or a self described “raging degenerate homosexual.” He shook her mother’s hand politely.

"Yes. It is very nice to meet you, Mrs. Evans." His eyes cast about for a moment, taking in the plot of flowers in their garden, and then he added, "Are those hydrangeas?"

"Yes," Mrs. Evans said, looking pleasantly surprised.

"They are lovely."

Mrs. Evans beamed then, obviously flattered. Lily had to resist the urge to roll her eyes, choosing instead to utilize this moment to the fullest. Without discussing with the bike’s owner, Lily said to her mother, “Sirius was going to take me for a ride on his motorbike, Mum. If that’s alright?”  
Mrs. Evans seemed to debate this for a moment, then shrugged. “I don’t see why not. Though you might want to change.” Lily nodded, conceding that only a t-shirt and pedal pushers wasn’t the most practical outfit for such excursions. She started off toward the house.

"Lily, aren't you going to invite your friend inside while you change?"

Lily noticed that Sirius had dragged the corner of his lip in between his teeth, but smiled nonetheless when she said, "Well... D'you want to come in?"

"Sure." Lily wasn't positive whether he did so willingly or simply because he wanted to avoid offending her and her mother.

In the short walk up the drive and into the house, Lily thought back to all of the times she had had Sev over since they had met. He was such a permanent fixture during the summers and the holidays that her parents (when she had still had two) hadn't even batted an eye when the slight boy with stringy black hair appeared at their dinner table, much to Petunia's distaste. Sev was the only magic friend that Lily had ever really had over to her Muggle home. She usually met Mary or the others in London when they visited over the summer; she was not ashamed at all of her roots, but merely cautious that every new witch or wizard her family met might be the feather that broke the hippogriff's back, so to speak.

And Sirius Black. Well. He was about a magic as magic could be. Old, pureblood family. Lily wasn't even certain he knew how to tie his shoes without magic to help (not that she doubted his cleverness, but, why learn if you never needed to?). So as Lily led him over the threshold of her childhood home, she was of course a little nervous about he might interact with her mother, even though he had not disappointed thus far.  Sirius was charming and good with parents, but Lily hadn’t really seen for herself how he fared with Muggles.

They all entered the kitchen, and Lily braced herself for the seemingly-inevitable interrogation from her mother, but it didn't come. Instead, Mrs. Evans set about making tea, making light hearted conversation as she did.

"So, are you enjoying the time away from school, Sirius?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And how are you filling your time this summer? Lily here seems to spend every moment in front of the television or with her nose in a book."

Sirius grinned at Lily, the kind of shit eating grin that might have made her want to resort to violence if it had been even six months prior. "Oh, I've been spending a lot of time working on my motorbike. I sometimes fill in at Mr. Potter’s office if one of his people isn’t around and he needs someone to keep track of his appointments. And flying a bit too with some of my mates."

"On broomsticks?" Mrs. Evans inquired, doing her best to keep the tone light. Lily could tell she was struggling to seem casual about the question.

"Yes, ma'am. My friend James has a really big and secluded back garden, so we can fly as much as we like."

Lily shook her head and looked at her mother. "Sirius grew up in London, Mum. He didn't exactly have a big garden for flying around."

“London is lovely,” Mrs. Potter said, nodding and probably thinking of Petunia off at her typing course. “But it is rather crowded.”

Sirius nodded.

“Lily, aren’t you going up to change?”

She smiled uneasily and ran up to her bedroom as quickly as she could, discarding her pedal pushers and rushing to pull on a pair of faded and soft jeans. She scrambled back down the steps to hear her mother saying, “Now, Sirius, are you and Lily seeing each other? Not that I’m going to give you a stern lecture or any such thing, but I know that things ended badly between Severus and–”

“Mum!” Lily said, mortified.

Sirius laughed, and grinned brilliantly at her mother. “Mrs. Evans, you have a gorgeous and brilliant daughter. Any man would be incredibly lucky to have her. But, alas, this fair flower is not for me. My best mate has carried a bit of a torch for so long that it would be unkind to pursue her now.”

Mrs. Evans looked prepared to protest, perhaps not as put off by the leather and the motorcycle as she maybe ought to be, and Lily chimed in hoping to end this madness swiftly. “Sirius and I are just friends. And for that matter, Mum, so were Severus and I. So, maybe it might be best if we... “ She trailed off, sending her mother a loaded look. “Head out.”

Her mother smiled benignly. “Well, don’t let me keep you. Have fun and be safe!”

Lily hurried from the kitchen, listening as behind her Sirius bid her farewell with a level of politeness she which did not previously know he was capable.

 

**(Then)**

October dawned cool and crisp.

The Prophet on the morning of the first would report an additional three deaths.

Lily thought to herself that there was simply no way to sustain that number of deaths per week without inevitably running out of people.

They were Muggles this time.

Not far from Wolverhampton. Not far from Cokeworth.

It took all of her self control not to send a frantic owl to her mother, barring her from leaving the house, and another, even more frantic letter, to her sister, begging her to let Lily do something to protect her in London.

“Evans.” Sirius Black had taken a seat across from her at the Gryffindor table, his friends noticeably absent.

“Black,” She returned, setting down her paper. His cheek now sported a purple bruise. In the past, such injuries were usually credited to heroic duels or tales of adventure, often pantomimed by the other Marauders with incredible attention to fictional detail. But since this start of this year, there was no such boasting. Sirius seemed to have slunk from his once perpetual spot light.

He helped himself to some toast, and slowly pulled a school book from his bag. He opened it to a page near the middle, and began to read.

While several years ago Lily might have moaned in pleasure at the sight of a Marauder quietly reading while they ate rather than engaging in disruptive mischief making often at her expense, now it just seemed... Weird. Unwelcome. Uncomfortable.

She paused for a moment, trying to think of a way to say something to her classmate of many years, with whom she had never had a proper friendly conversation. She didn’t know why –maybe it was the loss of the security blanket that was Sev, maybe it was the fact that there was a war on and she felt herself clinging on to whatever she could to feel just even a little better about her tenuous existence in the magical world -but Lily felt like at this moment in time, she was supposed to talk to Sirius Black.

She picked her paper back up, flipping to the last page, and she began to work on the crossword. Some clues were obvious, others less so, and as always, there were a few that left her stumped. She had a feeling about twenty five down, but decided to test a theory first.

“Eight letters. Starts with M. Cries, kills, wakes, or changes.”

Sirius looked up, eyebrows knitted together. For a moment, Lily thought he would ignore her and return to his copy of Standard Book of Spells, Year 6. “Mandrake,” He said finally.

She smiled, and wrote it in. It fit. She told him so.

He nodded, gave her a quick smile, and returned to his book.

Sirius Black liked _crossword puzzles._

**(Now)**

“Oh my God.”

“Right?”

“This is fantastic.”

“I know!”

“I cannot wait until you make it fly!”

Sirius beamed, and Lily pulled off her helmet. He helped Lily off the bike, and smiled. They were in downtown Cokeworth, far from the old mill, far from really being a “downtown” in reality as well, and Lily suggested they see a Muggle film so they could be somewhere cool on the positively sweltering day. The old cinema downtown often played old musicals on weekdays for pennies, and so Sirius let himself be treated to a matinee of some show called _West Side Story._

Having never seen a musical before, naturally Sirius jumped and whispered “what the fuck is this shit” when the first song started. A little further into the movie, Sirius leaned over to Lily, “Isn’t Puerto Rico like… one of the states?”

Lily smiled and shrugged, not totally certain where the tiny island ranked in U.S. politics. “I’m not sure, honestly.”

When Maria sang “I feel pretty,” Sirius snorted uncharacteristically at “and witty and gay.” Lily punched his shoulder playfully. “Keep it together.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Sirius whispered, tittering with quiet laughter. “I just… Muggles are so odd. Like listen to yourself!”

**(Then)**

By November, it’s a bit of a routine.

Lily would come down to breakfast, read the paper, and start the crossword.

Fifteen minutes later, Sirius would come down to breakfast and sit beside her with a book in front of him. After a while, Lily would ask his help with the crossword, and Sirius would oblige. Soon enough he abandoned his book and they traded the paper back and forth.

“What do you mean that you’ve never had Jelly Babies?”

Sirius smiled. “I mean, Muggles are the devil, their candies will turn your blood to sugar and filth, blahblahblah. Wally wasn’t exactly going to give me pocket money to dash out and buy Muggle sweets, was she?”

Lily liked that he called his mother “Wally;” her name, of course, was Walburga, but the nickname seemed to strip her of some of her menace, which Lily had come to realize she had in bulk. She liked that Sirius always listened attentively when she talked about things that were unfamiliar to him, and she liked that he was funny, even on dark days. He still wasn’t quite the Sirius Black most people knew. He was moodier, quieter, less prone to mischief. Even his birthday –seventeen early this month–had been a subdued affair.

“I’ll have to remember to bring some back after the Christmas holiday, so you can try them.”

Sirius’s face did something strange, like a flicker of something which passed over his features so fast she might have missed it if she wasn’t looking, but then he grinned. “Bringing me candy? What’s next, Evans, flowers? Asking me to go steady?”

“Only the best for you, my love.”

They both laughed.

Of course, people started to notice.

Lily caught Sev shooting a dark look their way one cloudy Monday.

On a cold, rainy Tuesday the next week, Mulciber walked past them twice, and when Sirius said something to him about running along to his little friends, the Slytherin called him “Queerius Black” and seemed to eagerly await a reaction.

Sirius, of course, didn’t so much a blink. He sighed, and said, as if disappointed, “I’ll give it a 4.5 out of 10. Not your most original insult, definitely not your best work, but it has potential.  Keep trying,” before standing and walking swiftly from the hall, leaving Lily and their unfinished crossword uncertain of what had happened.

Two days later, Sirius turned up with a black eye, and Lily found herself hesitating to ask what happened.

But, Lily was a Gryffindor, and she had nerve, so she spit it out around crossword clues. “Five across, two words, eleven letters total. Broomstick. And what happened to your eye?”

Sirius didn’t even flinch. “Silver Arrow. I blacked it, you see.”

“I’d noticed.”

Sirius slid the paper closer, filling in “Rowena” for number ten down.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?”

“I don’t think so, no.”

Lily felt blood rising in her cheeks, watching Sirius fill in “Fleamont” for 11 across.  “I thought we were friends.”

Sirius shrugged. Twelve across, Nuremgrad. “We are.”

“Then shouldn’t you tell me why you’ve got a black eye?”

Sirius paused, putting down his quill. “I’m not Snape, Lily. I don’t need you having a litter of kittens every time something happens to me. I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine.”

Lily opened her mouth to reply, but Sirius was already long gone. He’d finished the whole crossword.

**(Now)**

They stopped at the park. Sirius wanted a cigarette, and Lily wanted to enjoy the warm day now that it wasn’t quite so sweltering. She moved to sit on the swingset, and Sirius sat on the other swing, cigarette in hand. Tuney’s swing, and later Sev’s swing. Sirius fit there, regardless.

“Did you play on swings or playgrounds as a kid?” She asked.

Sirius lit his cigarette, fingers fumbling with a lighter for a moment. He was doing his best to look like a muggle, but the cheap lighter Lily had gotten him was still giving him trouble. “No,” he said, cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth. “Wasn’t proper to play like that. I played… y’know. Chess and the like. I was allowed on a broom, of course, but it was just me and Reg so it wasn’t much fun...”

Lily nodded, then leaned back. She started to pump her legs, swinging higher and higher on the swing set.

“You know he isn’t actually pissed at you or anything, right?”

Lily looked down at Sirius but didn’t say anything. Obviously he wasn’t talking about his brother anymore. She suspected he was trying to smooth things over between her and James so they might all be able to spend time together when the new term started. Lily supposed that would honestly be for the best. “It isn’t that I don’t like him,” She said at length. “He has definitely… grown a lot as a person. I know that now. And I like him, I really do.”

“I know.”

“He just… I just don’t feel the same.”

“I know. He knows. He really isn’t angry. Just a little disappointed. Nothing he won’t get over in a few weeks when he gets out of the barmy Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office and finds something to distract him at school.”

Lily nodded, swinging, tilting her head back so the world was upside down, imagining the echoes of childhood, Tuney laughing, chasing Sev around with a stick in her hand pretending it was a wand.

“Is it the Snape thing though?”

Lily looked sharply at Sirius. “What?”

“The reason that you don’t like James like that? Is it the Snape stuff?”

Lily opened and closed her mouth noiselessly.

“Because I know you know that James saved Snape that night. And I know you know that I was the reason that Snape was there at all. So if you’re angry with anyone, it ought to be me. James cleaned up my mess. It wasn’t his fault.”

“I’m not angry about that. You’ve apologized and Remus is fine and James fixed it so...”

“But is that why you turned him down? Because you found out about the whole Whomping Willow situation?”

“No! I mean, I found that out over Christmas, remember? I just… I just don’t feel it, Sirius. It’s nothing to do with him. I am sorry.”

He shrugged and then stomped out his cigarette. “Well that is a shame. You have to admit, you two make a pretty good team.” He was talking of course about last year.

Lily smiled then. “Ideally I’d rather not repeat that this year, if that’s alright with you.”

“Fine, fine,” He said, waving his hand dismissively. “It’s not my fault that your daring rescue mission rekindled the stirring in Prongs’s loins though, alright?”

“Well obviously. You’re not nearly that subtle. If you were planning to try to make us snog, you’d be far more obvious.”

“True, that,” Sirius said. “If I had my way, I’d just shove your heads together and shout ‘now kiss!’ until you did what I wanted..”

 

**(Then)**

On the morning of December first, Lily went down to breakfast. She did not anticipate Sirius would join her this morning, and found herself miserably accurate. As she toyed with her porridge, she scanned the front page of the Daily Prophet, suddenly not interested in knowing the news or working the crossword. She pulled out her copy of Advanced Potion Making, and looked over the chapter they would be working through in Slughorn’s class that afternoon, making notes in the margins as she did.

Lily wondered if Sev still did that.

Fuck, her life was lonely these days.

“Evans.”

She looked up to see James Potter, in all of his bespectacled glory, standing across the table from her. “Hullo, Potter.”

“I need to talk to you.” He took a seat.

Lily put her book down suspiciously. “What about?”

“About Sirius. He said that you’ve… been talking.”

Lily shrugged. “Not really. Mostly we just do the crossword.”

James nodded, his lips pressed together to form a thin line. “I know it’s probably none of my business, but despite everything,” Lily didn’t know what he meant here, “... he’s my best mate. And I know something is going on with him. Any time a Slytherin goes after him lately, he just… let’s them. Doesn’t even defend himself. I mean, his brother gave him a black eye a while back.  He’s off the Quidditch team and not allowed back at his parents’ house.. and he won’t tell me about it… Whatever it is. So.”

“So…?”

James Potter sighed. “So whatever it is.. He’s been spending time with you. And he’s been avoiding me like a kneazle with fleas. So if… if you… if you could talk to him?”

“I’m not going to do your dirty work for you, Potter.”

“No, no, not like that. I’ve tried to talk to him, Merlin knows I’ve tried. But… Damn, sorry, let me rephrase... If he talks to you about whatever is happening… will you let him? I think he could use a friend right now.”

Lily stared. “Of course.”

James seemed to relax. “Oh, and I’m sorry about Alix Fenwick. I got angry, but I shouldn’t have hexed her.”

“You hexed Alix Fenwick?”

“Thought you knew about that.” James blushed. “The one time the Hogwarts rumor mill keeps something quiet, and of course I open my mouth.” He shooked his head. “It was stupid, but she was going on outside of Muggle Studies yesterday about how Sirius was your new stray, and I just wanted to shut her up, so I made her teeth grow....”

“Stray?” Lily said, mind sticking on that word, ignoring what had happened regarding teeth.

Potter fliched. “Honestly, where did the Hogwarts gossip machine drop the ball on this one? Fuck. Well… The short version is that everyone knows that you and Snape were friends for a while. And we all know that his home life… well, that it isn’t great. I guess, well, Alix was saying how Snape was like your… charity case or something.”

Lily stared, not comprehending.

“You, y’know, protected Snape and stuff. From… well, mostly from me, to be honest. Not really a shining moment in my career, admittedly, but we’re not talking about me. But, uh, well Alix, well, she said that now that Sirius was disowned, you’d taken _him_ up as a stray, since you’re not erm… mates with Snape anymore. After what happened after the Defense O.W.L.  So um, Alix said, you know… that you’re… looking out for him... for Sirius, that it’s out of pity. Because he doesn't have anybody really. Like Snape did. Last year.”

Lily shook her head baffled, taking a moment to translate what James had said into plain words. “I… that’s not. None of that is true.”

“I mean-”

“Sev was my friend; that’s why I looked out for him.”

“I know-”

“And Sirius! He-he has people! He’s got you, even if his family disowned him. You two are like brothers. And he’s got the Marauders… and I. I don’t pity him. I thought… I just thought we were friends.”

James smiled. “That’s… a relief, Evans. I thought I’d have to come down here and defend his honor or some such nonsense.”

Lily rolled her eyes.

“No, honest Lily, I just… I’m glad. That you and Sirius are friends. He could use having a friend like you.”

“What do you mean?”

James shrugged. “I don’t know. Someone with their head on straight who isn’t scared to be honest with people. From what I’ve heard, you’re a good friend to have.”

She nodded, and James Potter took his leave of her. It wasn’t until hours later that it even registered with her that he had called her by her first name.

 

**(Then)**

The next morning, Sirius sat beside her at breakfast, and the the first thing he said was “flibbertigibbet (eight down).”

 

**(Now)**

 

“Sirius, would you like to stay for dinner?”

He looked up at Mrs. Evans, smiling that dazzling and charming smile. Full wattage. Sirius Black was great with mums, Lily noted with a snort. Except maybe his own.  “I would love to, Mrs. Evans. I don’t believe that the Potters are expecting me for dinner tonight, since they are attending some function for charity.”

“What about James?” Lily asked.

“I reckon he won’t starve.”

“I mean, won’t he worry himself into a tizzy if you don’t come home?” Lily teased.

Sirius laughed. “Right, good call. I’ll just let him know quickly then, if that’s alright?” He looked to Mrs. Evans and Lily as if he expected them to grant him permission.

“Go on then.”

Sirius produced a small mirror from his jacket pocket, and looking into it said “James Potter” clearly. He walked slightly away from Lily and her mum, producing a sort of false privacy. Lily looked to her mother, equally confused, but a moment later she heard James Potter’s unmistakeable voice from Sirius’s palm saying, “Oy! I’m feeling a bit abandoned over here, Pads. What sorry sort of a note is ‘Gone to see Evans, brought the bike, back later.’?”

Lily smiled, secretly delighted to discover that Sirius had planned to visit all along.

“Who is that, dear?” Her mother asked, nodding her head toward Sirius chatting away

into his mirror.  

“That’s uh… that’s James Potter. Mate of ours from school. Sirius stays with his family over breaks… he uh. His family… they aren’t… nice.”

Her mother nodded knowingly as James’s voice carried on dramatically, “Left all alone here to fend for myself, nary a person in sight to accompany me in this lonely meal.”

“Lily,” Her mother said, nudging her shoulder. “Why don’t you invite him over?”

“Mum he’s halfway across the country!”

“If I recall correctly, that isn’t really a problem for your friends.”

Lily blushed, and cleared her throat. “Sirius… my mum would like to invite Pot–er– _James_ to join us as well. If he likes.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise and from his hand Lily heard, “Did she just invite me to dinner?”

“Sounds that way.”

“Brilliant!” His voice squeaked.  “Have you an address, Evans? I will depart post haste.”

Lily rolled her eyes while her mother laughed. She walked over to Sirius and looked into James’s face in the mirror, where she gave him her address and warned him not to appear in the rosebushes of a nearby neighbor who seemed unreasonably suspicious of the Evans home since Lily had caused the eruption of roses in winter as a small child.

 

**(Then)**

Lily yawned. It was nearly midnight.

She might not have noticed him had blood not dripped onto the essay she was writing. A fat, perfectly circular ruby drop hitting right in the middle of the word “boomslang,” which caused Lily’s heart to speed up very suddenly, a sudden squeeze somewhere in the area of her kidneys as adrenalin raced into her system. “What the fuck?” She almost shouted, not caring that it was the library and other people were studying. Sirius was standing there in the library, the collar and his robes torn, his nose dripping blood and his hair clumped together with what looked like mud and blood mixed together.

“How good are you at fixing broken noses?” Sirius asked conversationally, sounding congested, sitting beside her. “Personally I’m complete shit at it, and I’d normally ask James, but he’s at Quidditch practice for the rest of the damn century, Pete has detention with Hagrid, and Remus is off prefect-ing somewhere. So. How good are you at fixing broken noses?”

Lily stood up quickly. “You should go to Madame Pomfrey.”

Sirius shook his head. “I was just in there last week, and if I show up again with a bloody nose she’s definitely going to mention it to Dumbledore.”

Lily stared at him, dumbfounded.

“I’m on probation? If I fuck up, I’ll probably be expelled. Bloody noses tend to mean fights.”

“And I’m meant to be alright with that?” Lily asked, shaking her head. Nonetheless, she took out her wand, and Sirius seemed to visibly relax. “What the hell have you been up to?”

Sirius shrugged listlessly. “Nothing really… Just crossed paths with someone I don’t care for.”

Lily pursed her lips. “This is the third time I’ve seen you with a broken nose or a black eye lately. If you’re not careful, you’ll end up with a crooked nose like Dumbledore.”

Sirius smirked. “That would be kinda badass.”

Lily narrowed her eyes.

“Please Evans? I’m on a bit of a time crunch…”

She raised a questioning brow.

“Curfew? Or have you already forgotten my probation, Madame Prefect?”

She rolled her eyes and pointed her wand at him, saying, “Episkey!” With a crack, Sirius’s nose snapped back into place, and blood stopped trickling out of it. It looked the same as ever, as far as Lily could tell.

“Cheers,” Sirius said, conjuring a napkin and wetting it so he could clean the blood off of his nose and lips.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on with you?” Lily asked. “I don’t mean to be pushy… but I am starting to worry.”

“Thanks Mum, but I’m alright.”

Lily frowned. There was a smell hanging around, not the blood, and then she crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you drunk?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I snuck out and got a drink at the Hog’s Head earlier, okay?”

She frowned. “So much for your probation, huh?”

“It was just one drink.”

“But what happened? Did someone hit you? Did you have a fight? Did you stumble into the Whomping Willow?”

“Now there’s an idea,” Sirius said grimly, and Lily felt some of the blood draining out of her face. He wouldn’t… would he? “Listen, I just don’t really want to talk about it. I bumped into an old family friend and we had words. No big deal. Thanks for patching me up though.” Sirius waved her off, and Lily stared after him, feeling very helpless and stupid.

 

**(Now)**

When the doorbell rang, Lily felt the strangest flutter in her chest. In the kitchen, Sirius Black was insistent upon helping her mother, setting the table and peppering their conversation with questions about the food prep, how the oven worked, how the refrigerator worked, where did she want the side dishes…

“I’ll get that,” She said, standing up from the table. Sirius, deeply invested in a conversation about electric stove top, paused to wink at Lily as she walked by. Cheeky git.

Lily strode to the living room where she discovered James Potter, in a smart button down shirt and slacks, was standing, a nervous half smile on his face, arms behind his back. “Hi,” She said, slightly breathless.

“Hello Evans,” He said, grinning. “Thank you for inviting me to dinner.”

Lily smiled back. “Well, come on inside.”

He nodded, and stepped in through the door. She shut it behind them, and they stood awkwardly on the landing. “These are for you,” James said swiftly, thrusting a fistful of flowers into Lily’s hands.

“Oh…”

“For the table. For dinner.”

“Right…”

James Potter’s face turned pink on his cheeks. “My mother suggested I bring them. I flooed her before I left.”

Lily smiled a little, trying hard not to laugh. James Potter kept blushing.

It was then that she noticed Sirius standing in the hall outside of the kitchen, smirking. “Dinner’s nearly done.”

“Oh shut up,” Lily mumbled, stomping into the kitchen, face blushing furiously. In the kitchen, flowers clamped in her fist, found her mother finishing the last touches on dinner.

“Those are nice,” Her mother said evenly. “Where did those come from?”

“James brought them,” Lily said, looking finally down at the flowers. Petunias and lilies and violets. Fitting.

Her mother gave Lily a smile, which she shared with James Potter and Sirius Black as they stepped into the kitchen.

“Mrs. Evans, please allow me to to introduce you to my best mate James Potter,” Sirius said, nudging James forward, his face still rather red and splotchy.

“Hello,” James said weakly, offering his hand to Lily’s mother.

“Lovely to meet you,” she replied, shaking his hand. “So glad you could join us. It isn’t often that I get to entertain Lily’s friends anymore. Not since she and Severus had their falling out.”

“Mum,” Lily said sharply. “Please.”

“Oh alright, alright. I’ll wait until you’re out of the room before I try to get information out of your friends.”

Sirius laughed his cheerful and loud bark-like laugh, and Mrs. Evans laughed in return. “Well let’s all take a seat.”

They headed for the table, and Lily sat back and watched as James and Sirius put on their usual two man show to her mother’s delight. While they regaled her with tales of Quidditch and mischief making around Hogwarts, explaining about the time they flooded the halls with Liquid Luck and changed all of Gryffindor house purple to celebrate Easter last Spring. Lily noted, relieved, that they did not mention that Remus Lupin was a dangerous werewolf once a month or that there was a war brewing and Severus was on the side of people who wanted witches like Lily to be killed for not having the right parents. It made her feel better that James and Sirius did a good job of playing only into the narrative she told her mother. It made her worry less.

“So, Lily, what did you think of the bike?” Sirius asked. Lily watched James turn his head, quirk an eyebrow, and then turn back to look expectantly at Lily.

“Loved it. Treasured it. Considered proposing marriage to it.”

Her mother smiled. “When I was just out of school, I very briefly went with a boy who had a motorbike. Very wild, very fun.”

“And what happened to this gent with a bike, Mrs. Evans?” Sirius asked, laughter in his eyes.

Her mother smiled. “Well I’m quite afraid he knocked me up with Petunia, and we had to give the bike up.”

Sirius and Mrs. Evans laughed together, as if delighted by some sort of inside joke, while Lily could barely muster a grin at the mention of her sister, and James awkwardly took a bite of his peas.

Mrs. Potter excused herself quickly as they finished to answer the telephone ringing in the other room, leaving Lily, Sirius, and James to begin cleaning up the table. As Lily started to gather the plates up in her hands, Sirius rolled his eyes and said, “Well honestly Evans.” He sent the plates to the sink where they began to quickly wash, dry, and stack themselves. “I understand respecting someone’s culture and customs, but there is no reason to spend half an hour tidying up dishes.”

He did have a point there. Lily produced her own wand, directing the leftovers into neat containers and wiping down the table with a flick of her wrist, while James set to putting all of the freshly washed dishes and cutlery into their appointed places. The whole kitchen was spotless and reorganized in a matter of seconds. Lily sighed contentedly. “I love magic.”

James and Sirius grinned at each other.

Mrs. Evans returned then, beaming as she saw that they had cleaned up. “Oh that is just wonderful of all of you.”

They sat down again for a light dessert, biscuits and tea, and Mrs. Evans entertained the boys telling them stories of Lily’s accidental magic as a child.

“I mean, of course her father and I has no idea what to make of it. One moment she and Petunia are bickering about a toy they won’t share, and the next moment the toy is flying across the room like.. Well… magic!”

“Mum,” Lily said, rolling her eyes.

“And don’t even get me started on what a terror she was on the playground as a little one. Flying, literally _flying,_ off of the swings. Footballs suddenly in her possession just as the other team was about to score. Not to mention the way she used to tease her sister with flowers.”

James was looking at Lily’s mother then, a curious expression on his face, and Sirius, apparently sensing Lily’s discomfort with the topic of Petunia, started talking about how he and his brother Regulus were much worse as children, once having a heated wrestling match that only ended when their mother noticed they had levitated up to the ceiling and nearly knocked down the chandelier.

When dinner was ended, Sirius and James got ready to depart. James was bid her mother goodbye, but Sirius lagged behind, touching Lily’s shoulder. “I’m afraid I have a devious plan,” he said to her, “And worst of all, it’s working.”

“What’s the plan then?”

“I think you are disappointed to see James go.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because you stared at his bum while he walked away,” Sirius said, laughing.

Lily shoved his shoulder. “Yeah, yeah, alright. I’ll see you soon, you goon. Get home safe.”

“Yeah, yeah, thanks Mum. Night!”

He walked off with James into the night.

“I like your friends,” Lily’s mother said when Lily returned to the kitchen. “Very...well... friendly.”

“The pair of them can be rather chatty.”

“Now you know I try not to speak ill of people, Lily-”

“Liar,” Lily interjected, laughing.

“But I have to say… you seem much happier around them then you ever were when Severus was coming around,” Her mother said, carrying on as if she had not been interrupted.

“You’re probably right.” Lily frowned. “Sev has… a lot of problems.”

Her mother tutted. “Well, it’s not exactly as if these friends haven’t got any. You said yourself that Sirius doesn’t even stay with his own family on breaks anymore.”

“That’s true.”

“I’m just glad you have friends who seem genuinely happy to be around you. So much so that they don’t even mind having dinner with your old Muggle mum.”

Lily smiled. That much was true. “They really do like you, mum. Definitely a cool mum.”

“Oh I try my best, love.”

**(Then)**

Christmas was nearly upon them.

“What are your holiday plans?” Lily asked. They had been going back and forth on Sunday crossword, and had given up nearly twenty minutes before, utterly stumped by 17 down, Immortality, seventeen letters, first letter P tenth letter E.

“Staying here.”

Lily nodded. She didn’t know too many other people who were staying at Hogwarts over the holidays, though she suspected Severus would, per tradition. Three years ago, she had stayed because of him, and they had spent the break playing Exploding Snap and Gobstones and getting into just one too many snowball fights while the school was deserted and the house rivalry wasn’t putting them on edge constantly. Lily hated that she missed him.

“Are the others sticking around?” She asked Sirius, grabbing the Sunday Prophet back to attempt to figure out the clue they were stuck on.

“No.”

Lily held her tongue, wondering why Sirius didn’t just go home with James. She had heard that the Potters had taken him in, so it would make sense that they’d invite him to Christmas. But perhaps it wasn’t as idyllic of an arrangement as she had hoped. “I’m sorry.”

Sirius shrugged. “Better than being home at any rate. Not that I was invited.”

“I’m really sorry.” Lily was halfway through writing a mental letter to her mother asking if her friend Sirius could come visit over the holidays when he frowned at her. “What?”

“Don’t do that.”

“I’m not doing anything!”

“I can see it in your sad eyes, Evans. You were planning to invite me home with you. Don’t.”

“That’s… I wasn’t… Well why not?”

“Because I don’t accept pity invites, and your mother would probably have a litter of kittens making sure we didn’t spend the whole break attempting to procreate.”

“That’s not fair,” Lily said, though she did suspect her mother would assume Sirius was her boyfriend if she asked to bring him home. Not to mention the fit Petunia would throw over a full fledged, pureblood wizard in the house.

“I’m not a stray dog, okay? I’ve got a place to stay, and I’ll be fine here alright?”

“Okay,” Lily said finally, admitting defeat.

Sirius sighed. “I… didn’t mean to snap. I’m sorry. I just…”

“It’s okay,” Lily said smiling. “I’m not so easily offended.”

Sirius gave her a bright smile, so Lily counted it as a win in the end.

 

**(Then)**

She was heading to the Entrance Hall to catch the train to London where she’d then take another train to Wolverhampton when she spotted him watching her.

“Are you really friends with Sirius Black?” He said, coming up on her quickly.

Lily narrowed her eyes. “Sev, I don’t really have time for this…”

“I just mean, for someone with such high moral standards, one might think you’d reconsider befriending someone like that.  Someone who made my life hell for years, who tried to _kill me_.”

“What?”

“That night, when James Potter ‘saved’ me? You’ll never believe it, of course, but Sirius Black was the one who told me how to get down the tunnel by the Whomping Willow, knowing full well what I’d encounter when I got down there.”

Lily regarded him coolly. “What’s your point?”

“Well, I. I… He’s… he tried to have me killed!”

Lily frowned. “I need to go.”

“That’s it? You’re not… you won’t speak to me, but Sirius Black gets off with nothing but a shrug?”

“Like you didn’t know what you’d find down there!” Lily shouted.

Sev blinked, as if he hadn’t expected that, “I didn’t, I suspected, I thought… He knew Lily! He knew and he told me how to get past the Willow and… and…”

“And you listened to him? How is that my fault?”

“It’s his! God, how are you not understanding this? He told me-!”

“People make mistakes,” Lily said, but even she realized there was a lack of conviction in her voice. What had happened, what had really happened?

“And what about me then? Am I not allowed that same courtesy? You’re my best friend!”

“No. I _was_ your best friend.” Lily took a steadying breath. “I have to go Sev.”

“Why is he allowed to nearly get me killed, and I slip up _once_ …”

“Slip up? Slip up?!” Lily shouted rounding on him. “If calling me a _Mudblood_ is something you can slip up and do so easily, then you’re not the kind of person I want to be around, no matter what Sirius Black might have done to you. You’re a liar and honestly an _awful person_ and you can pretend to have the moral high ground all you like, but you know if I took you back you’d be ashamed of me around your Death Eater friends anyway. Really, I’m doing you a favor.  Leave me alone.” She hurried off, trunk in hand, desperately hurrying, hoping nobody could see the way her eyes had teared up.

When she had finally slumped into a seat on the train with nobody else in the compartment, Lily allowed herself exactly two minutes to feel sorry for herself. What was wrong with her that every friend she made seemed to determined to hurt people? Why were her friends all awful people? Tears came incredibly easily, fat and wet, and Lily sniffled a few times as the train pulled out of Hogsmeade station before taking a deep breath, wiping her eyes, and clearing her throat. Alright then. To business.

The business at hand, of course, was to find the damn Marauders and demand some damn answers.

Lily left her trunk in the compartment she had occupied and began to search the train for the Marauders, peeking in windows and feeling a bit like a failure of a sneak. Eventually, near the head of the train, she found the three boys in the middle of a game of Exploding Snap, already changed into Muggle clothes for their arrival. Lily knocked on the compartment door.

“Evans?” James Potter said, smiling in greeting. “Hello. What brings you here?”

“Is anyone else in here with you?” She said tensely.

“Oh come on, Evans, please don’t tell me you’re giving out detentions on the train ride home,” Peter Pettigrew said from inside the compartment, frowning. “We’re not even doing anything!”

“No I just. I need to speak with you three about something.”

James’s smile wilted at her serious tone. “Nobody else is here. Come in.”

Lily stepped inside and took a calculated seat beside Remus Lupin. “I need to speak with you about Sirius.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “If you’re looking for our permission to snog him…”

“Pete, come on,” Remus said, giving him a look, and the other boy quieted considerably. “What is it about Sirius, Lily?”

She looked at Remus’s kind face, and took a deep breath before blurting it out. “Did he really tell Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow last year?”

All of the smiles were gone now. Lily looked at each boy in turn as their faces set in hard lines of displeasure.

“You know about that?” Remus finally said quietly.

“Yes. I mean...He told me. Snape did. But he left out the bit about Sirius until he shouted it at me on my way to the train just now. Is it true?”

“Which part?” James Potter asked, voice clipped.

“The part about Sirius.”

“Yes,” Peter answered after a moment. “He told Snape, and then told us that he’d told Snape, and then Prongs- er, James, went down to grab Snape before things got… bad.”

Lily looked around the room, and all three boys were looking back at her in various degrees of anger.

“How long have you known?” Remus asked softly. “About me?”

Lily sighed. “Since third year. Severus had his suspicions of course, which he shared with me ad nauseum, but I just. It didn’t matter to me, I guess. I knew and didn’t think it was my business.”

“And did you tell anyone?” James asked, giving her a hard look.

“Of course not. Like I said, it’s not my business to tell.”

Remus nodded stiffly.

“I’m sorry to have brought it up,” Lily said now, realizing how the question had impacted the group. “It’s not really my place, at all, really. It’s just that I’ve been hanging around with Sirius, and I wanted to know if... Well. I’m sorry.”

“Does it really not matter?” Remus asked after a moment. “That I’m a…werewolf?”

Lily smiled wanly. “Does it matter to you that I’m a Mudblood?”

James frowned. “Don’t call yourself that.”

“Of course it doesn’t matter,” Remus answered, shaking his head.

“Then why would your… er. Predicament bother me?”

Remus smiled weakly at her. James and Peter regarded her curiously. Lily felt rather like she was on trial here.

“I don’t suppose any of you know… why Sirius might have told?” She asked finally.

James shrugged. “I mean, he said he wasn’t thinking and that he was just trying to scare Snape. Snape was always following us around, bothering us… I guess Sirius thought that it would be a laugh and get Snape off our backs… But I think Sirius wasn’t thinking at all. He just doesn’t _think_. It was an incredibly dangerous and stupid thing, so far beyond acceptable....”

“Is that why… everything has been a bit more… calm with you lot lately?”

Remus shrugged. “We… well. Sirius nearly got expelled. And well. You know. There’s relatively harmless pranks, and then there is attempted murder.”

Peter nodded. “We don’t want to… you know. I mean, you don’t give an alcoholic a firewhiskey, you know?”

Lily nodded. “Are you lot… okay then? With each other?”

“We’re getting patched up,” Remus said, shrugging. “It’s a work in progress.”

“What about you, Evans?” James asked. “What are you going to do...?” He was looking at her hard. It made Lily’s face heat up.   
“I suppose I’ll have to apologize to Severus for calling him a liar…” She said, shaking her head. “I don’t know. How could Sirius do that? To you, Remus? To Sev?”

“Trust me when I say it’s not worth trying to pursue that line of thinking, Evans,” James said. “It’s just… a snake eating it’s tail.”

Lily nodded.

“Are you going to keep talking to him?” Remus asked.

Lily honestly didn’t know. She was… angry. Very angry. The idea of looking Sirius in the eye again, absently doing the crossword, chatting about Muggle sweets and music. It felt wrong to carry on without so much a blink when she found out he’d tried to kill her former best friend. “I’m not sure yet.”

Remus nodded. “Well… I hope you do. Trust me, he’s… he _is_ trying. He is making up for it. It’s an awful mistake to make, but he is trying.”

Lily left half an hour later, a lump in her throat, even more unsure than she was before.

 

**(Now)**

 

The phone rang and this time Lily was perhaps a little too eager to answer it. “Hello?”

“Lily Evans!” Said Sirius’s voice, and Lily smiled immediately. “What are you doing right now?”

Lily smiled. “Sitting in my pajamas. Why?”

“Do you want to make a few Galleons today? Mr. Potter needs a little help in the office and James is of course off at his internship, and Remus told me to get stuffed for calling so early. Please say yes, I’ll be so bored without you.”

“What about Peter?” She asked, smiling.

“Sod Peter, I want you.”

“Sirius.”

He laughed. “He’s been bussing tables in Manchester all week, I’m sure he would appreciate the day off.”

“I’ll have to ask my mother.”

“It’s only a few hours, and then we can tool around London for a bit.”

Lily smiled. “Okay, okay, let me go ask. Hold for just a moment.” She put the phone down on her side table and ran down to the kitchen. Her mother was making a cup of tea. “Mum, can I go meet up with Sirius in London?”

Her mother smiled. “Of course.”

“Brilliant! Thanks mum!” She ran back to her bedroom, picked up the receiver and said she could be there in about an hour.

“Wonderful. Let’s meet at the Leaky Cauldron, yeah?”

“What should I wear? Robes?”

Sirius laughed. “Nah, don’t worry about that. Just wear whatever you’d usually wear; we’re probably just going to be sorting through mail. Mr. Potter is cool.”

“Sounds good.”

Lily hurried to take a shower, drying her hair with magic and throwing on a pale yellow sundress with blue flowers. She put on some shoes and braided her hair quickly, shouting good bye to her mother (who helpfully yelled “Please don’t get pregnant!” after her). Lily dashed down the road, her brown leather bag bumping against her hip, her wand stored inside. When she reached the old playground, Lily’s eyes scanned quickly for people around, and when the coast was clear she Apparated to London.

When she reached the Leaky Cauldron, Sirius was already waiting outside, in a black t-shirt and black jeans, mirrored sunglasses on top of his head, hair still far shorter than she expected.

“You made it.”

“You still look too innocent. Can’t you throw some punk rock eyeliner on or something?”

Sirius laughed at her. “Sure, can you lend me some? I’m sure Monty will adore that.”

“Monty?” She followed Sirius through the Leaky Cauldron, out to the back alley that led to Diagon Alley.

“Mr. Potter. Fleamont, which don’t bother, everyone knows is an absolutely ridiculous name. It’s what I think of when I conjure a Patronus because it is my fondest memory, learning his first name. I guess his mother was a bit sad to see her surname die, took one look at Old Monty as a baby, and said, ‘Yeah obviously this one won’t amount to much. Better name him Fleamont.’”

“So, I didn’t ask… what _does_ Mr. Potter even do?” Lily tapped the bricks with her wand and waited for the entrance to materialized.

Sirius balked at her. “You don’t know?”

Lily shook her head.

“How? You’ve been in the magical world for like seven years and nobody told you?”

Lily, now filled with trepidation, shook her head again. “What is it? Is it dangerous?”

Sirius laughed at her again, “Oh you’ve made me so happy Evans. I might even propose, I swear… Mr. Potter is the inventor of _Sleekeazy's Hair Potion._ ”

“You’re joking.”

“No.”

“But… but James’s _hair_ …”

“I know. _I know._ ”

“His dad…?”

“Is the founder of a hair care line, yes.”

“I think I need to sit down.”

Sirius laughed again.

“Seven years! How did I not know?!”

“To be completely fair, you did hang around with James’s arch nemesis.”

“But how did _he_ not know? You’d think he would have had a field day with that information!” Lily laughed, like really laughed.

“That’s is a bit of a failing on Snape’s part. I’ll send him a letter so next year things will stay interesting.”

“Please don’t.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Come on, Evans, I am so beyond that childishness now.” He nudged her shoulder. “By the way, have you gotten your Hogwarts letter for the year yet?”

“No, why?”

“I’m taking bets on who gets Head Girl and Head Boy. I’ve got ten galleons saying you beat out June Quimby in Hufflepuff.”

“Why? June Quimby is really nice!”

“Yeah but you’re better for the job. So don’t let me down Evans, yeah?”

“Who’re you betting on for Head Boy?”

Sirius’s smile faded. “Well, I’d love to say Remus but…”

“His furry little problem does sort of make that impossible.”

“Totally unfair but...” Sirius shrugged. “I only put one Galleon on Giles Richards in Ravenclaw, but frankly all of the other Prefects are shite so…since it can’t be Remus, maybe they’ll pull in the Quidditch captains like they did four years ago.”

“I’m worried it’ll be Severus,” Lily confessed to Sirius, the worry gnawing at her suddenly. “I don’t know what I would do if we were Heads together. I’d probably have to give it up. Let June have it.”

“No way. Dumbledore will never pick him for Head Boy,” Sirius said, nodding his head toward a building just off of Diagon Alley. “Snape is too much of a git, and he pals around with Death Eaters. I mean, I know Dumbledore is all peace and fairness, but I think that stops at Death Eaters.” The stepped into a sleek looking beauty parlor, and Sirius waved at the witches who were flourishing their wands at the heads of clients, trimming hair, changing it’s color, adding potions to it by the handful. “This way.”

 

**(Then)**

_Greetings and Salutations Evans,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. I am, horrified though I am to admit this to myself or you (with physical proof no less!), concerned not to have heard from you all break. Perhaps I heard wrong when you said you’d write? Or you’ve grown weary of our once passionate affair and you’re hoping I will get the message with your silence? Or you’ve lost both of your hands in a daring duel and you haven’t had time to pop down to Diagon Alley to buy some Quick Quotes Quills? Either way, Evans, you’re breaking my heart. I’ve had to do the crossword all by my lonesome for two whole weeks now, and the House Elves are refusing to permit me conversation if I sneak down to the kitchens anymore. Apparently they didn’t enjoy me trying to convince them all to strike._

_Hogwarts is very empty. Very, very empty. I imagine it is like this over the summer as well, but at least then there aren’t sad looking Christmas baubles all over the Great Hall and the weather is less cold. I ate dinner last night with a grand total of seven people, three of which were teachers, three were students (one of which was Snape, but more on that later), and Hagrid made seven.  Even Dumbledore seems to have had better plans this Christmas as he hasn’t been around that I’ve seen. Maybe he is vacationing on the beach somewhere? Can you imagine him windsurfing or some other such thing? I can’t get the picture out of my head, and now I’m laughing alone like a loon._ _No one else_ _is in Gryffindor Tower._

_Okay really Lily, have I done something? I’ve written twice now and not heard back. Loathe as I am to admit it, I am dreadfully bored without your company and wish you’d get back to me before break ends and scold me for my impatience. If I don’t hear back, I suppose I will just wait for you to get back to school. I’ll start stockpiling the Prophet, in case you don’t get your subscription while you’re at home._

_Please write back. There was… well something rather unpleasant happened here while you were away, and I’d rather you heard it from me so._

 

_Please write back._

_Happy New Year._

 

_Sirius_

 

Lily was consumed with guilt again looking at the letter from Sirius at the table in her mother’s kitchen. She had gotten all three of his letters, and sent his owls back empty clawed. It hurt to see that he was so obviously upset and confused that she hadn’t replied. Lily doubted he had ever been quite so honest with her in the whole time they had known each other; it was all jokes and wisecracks before.  She just couldn’t make herself write to him. Every time she tried, she just got angry with him, and had to scratch out everything and eventually throw out the letter she tried to write.

She had corresponded once with James Potter, chatting about the holidays and agreeing to sit together on the train back to Hogwarts in January, which only made her feel even more guilty.

Two days from now, Lily thought miserably. Never before had she looked forward to going back to school less. Even her first year when Petunia had called her a freak and a weirdo on the platform, she still felt the thrill of possibility. Now it just felt like a slow march to a sad conversation. To the end of something precious.

“Mum?” Lily said, setting the letter down and going into the living room where her mother was finishing up some laundry before she went into work that night. She was the receptionist a the hospital near by. “Can I ask for some advice without you getting angry?”

“Well, that’s not a very hopeful preamble, but sure. What’s on your mind?”

Lily sat down beside her mother and began folding the clothes as well. In just a few weeks she could do this by magic, legally. “I have a friend at school…”

“Is this really about you, Lily?”

“No, mum, honest. I uh. At the start of term I started spending time with a boy in my year, Sirius, and we’re friends now… And well last year he did something really awful, and it almost got Severus killed.”

“Oh dear.”

“I only just found out about it. Sev told me this just before break, and he is angry with me because I’m friends with Sirius, when objectively what Sirius did is worse than what Sev did to me.”

“Is that why you and Severus stopped speaking? He did something to you?”

“He called me a name. A really bad name for someone with non-magical parents. He’s been hanging around these other boys who think people like me aren’t… equal to people who have two wizards for parents. Sev said the name just slipped out.”

“Oh.”

“Is he right mum? If I am still friends with Sirius, do I owe it to Sev to be his friend again because both of them made a mistake?”

“Well, I suppose it depends on what they’ve done after the mistake. Are they sorry? Are they trying to do better? Be a better friend, a better person after this?”

Lily shrugged. “Sev is just angry with me, and he’s still hanging around those boys, cursing other kids. Sirius’s other friends knew about what happened, and they say he’s been trying really hard to stay out of trouble and that he’s apologized a million times, so they aren’t angry anymore.”

“Well, I think the real question here is...do you want to make up with Severus?”

“Not really,” Lily admitted. “I miss him a lot. He was my best friend. But, I just can’t stand the person he’s becoming, and I’m not sure if there is any way to fix it.”

“And what about this Sirius? Do you want to be friends with him?”

Lily shrugged. “I hate what he did to Sev, and I hate that other people got hurt in the process. But he’s… he’s kind, and he’s smart and funny. And I really think he is sorry for what happened… and he’s made this year a lot less lonely.”

“I think… and this is just me, but I’d decide based on their actions after the mistake. It says a lot about a person how they act after they fail. Do they keep making the mistake, or do they learn from it? Does that make sense?”

“Yes. Thanks mum.”

 

**(Then)**

 

Lily stepped into her dormitory after winter break feeling a nervous flutter in her chest. She had spent the time on the train hanging around the Marauders, beating James Potter at travel Chess three times before he accused her of cheating and made Peter switch with him and play her. She beat Peter too. When she was maybe a quarter of the way through unpacking, Lily’s friend and dorm mate Mary MacDonald appeared from the bathroom, having apparently taken a shower.

“Hi Lily.”

“Hey Mary. When did you get in?”

“Oh I took the Knight Bus last night. My parents were going out of town and didn’t want to leave me in the house by myself.”

“Why not?”

Mary smiled. “I threw a huge party last time.”

Lily smiled.

“Oh, by the way, Sirius Black is looking for you.”

“Oh,” Lily said.

“Did you two break up or something?”

Lily almost laughed. “No we’re not.. We aren’t dating. I just need to go talk to him about something, and I don’t really want to. I’ve been putting it off almost all break.”

“Is it about what happened with him and Snape over break?”

Lily looked over at Mary sharply. “What?”

Mary shrugged. “Yeah, I guess that Snape landed himself in like three months worth of detention after he like tried to duel Sirius in the hall or something.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, Charity Burbage in Hufflepuff said she saw the whole thing. It was on Boxing Day, Snape like called Sirius a faggot and told him to stay away from you, and Sirius just told him he didn’t know what Snape was even talking about but he’d let you decide whether he hung around you, and then Snape pulled his wand on him. Sirius was in the hospital wing for a few days, because when Snape hexed him he like started bleeding _everywhere_. I guess Sirius just barely disarmed Snape before he passed out, and the last bit happened in front of McGonagall and she lost her mind.”

“I’ve got to go, sorry,” Lily abandoned putting away her belongings, smiled apologetically at Mary and dashed off down to the Common Room. No Sirius. She turned and headed up the steps to the sixth year boy’s dorm and knocked.

Remus Lupin answered. “Hello Lily. I’m afraid James already put away the travel chess but I’m sure he’d be up for a rematch now that he’s iced his bruised ego.”

“No, sorry, I’d love to do that later but I need to speak with Sirius. Is he here?”

Remus shook his head. “We haven’t seen him.”

“Any idea where he might be?”

Remus shrugged.

James’s head appeared in the doorway.  “I can find out where he is.” He beckoned Lily inside, and then called to Peter, “Can you grab the Map please?” Remus followed.

Peter handed over what appeared to be a blank piece of parchment, and James tapped it with his wand. “I solemnly swear I am up to no good,” He said, and then bloomed from the tip of his wand what appeared to be a map of the whole school.

“What the hell is that?” Lily said, mildly alarmed.

“Our map,” Peter said, shrugging.

“We can see where people are on it,” James supplied, answering Lily’s question of what the hell a map had to do with finding Sirius before she even asked. “I swear it’s not as creepy as it sounds.”

“Oi, do you two mind not giving away all of our secrets?” Remus said, sounding a little amused and a little irritated.

“Oh Lily already knows the big one,” James said dismissively. “Fairly sure we can trust her. Looks like Sirius is in the Divination classroom.”

“What?” Lily knew for a fact that Sirius thought Divination was idiotic because he made fun of her for pursuing it all the way up to her O.W.L.s. She got an O, but dropped it when she got to her sixth year. “Why there?”

“It’s warm and looks a bit like a tea shop. Nice for when you can’t really leave without attracting suspicion,” James supplied for her. “Do you want me to go with you?”

Lily shook her head. “Thanks, but I need to talk to him alone for just a bit.”

“Ooh,” Peter teased. “So the rumors are true.”

“Yes, and we’re thinking of naming our baby Peter,” Lily dead panned. “Come on, of course they aren’t. Do you really think we’d have been able to keep that news under wraps in this school?”

“She has a point,” Remus said smiling. “Besides, Sirius is too in love with James to fancy anyone else.”

**(Then)**

She spotted Sirius immediately, even in the dark room. He had shoved himself, hunchbacked, into one of the armchairs near the window, arms crossed over his long legs tucked up to his chest. He had a few scratches on his handsome face and looked a bit like he hadn’t slept since the last time she saw him.

“Sirius?”

His head jerked slightly to look over at Lily as she emerged from the trapdoor. He didn’t say anything. Lily pulled herself up and then closed the trapdoor, suspecting that perhaps privacy was in order here.

“I would have never thought to come up here when it wasn’t being used,” Lily said, looking around. The classroom really did look like an old tea shop, arm chairs and tables in the warm, cramped space. A fireplace roaring. Tea cups sat, haphazardly stacked, in glass cabinets around the room. She had once fallen asleep here, in her third year, just before Christmas.

Sirius didn’t say anything to that either.

 _Damn_. This was harder than she thought.

“I wanted to talk to you,” She said after a moment. Sirius barely reacted, merely tightening the grip on his legs pressed to his chest. He rested his chin on them. “Is now a good time?”

Sirius merely shrugged.

Lily took a seat in the arm chair beside Sirius’s. “I’m sorry I never wrote you back.”

He nodded, a tiny jerk of the head.

“I should have written,” Lily pressed on. “But, naturally, I can be a bit of an idiot about these things. Honestly.”

Sirius was looking at her now, lips pressed hard together, face expressionless. It made her heart ache to think what kind of upbringing had taught him this level of ease with the stiff upper lip.

“It’s just that…. Look, I realize now that it was totally unfair of me to just take Severus’s side of things at face value without talking to you first. But… well. As I was leaving for break, he told me the details of what exactly happened with you and him and the other Marauders near the end of last year.”

Sirius nodded again. Just once. Curt, short nod. “I understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore.”

Though she had spent the past few weeks debating whether or not to do exactly that, it hurt Lily to hear Sirius say that so simply. As if it was that cut and dry. (As if he was so used to this sort of reaction).

“I mean, I’m not saying I’m not angry with you about it. And I’m not saying that it is totally okay with me either. But I think the important thing is that you’re learning from it, and you’re trying to move on.”

Sirius blinked at Lily, his eyes alarmingly glassy. “I’m not sure I _can_ move on. I can’t… change.”

Lily’s brow furrowed. “I don’t think that’s true.”

“You don’t think I’ve tried?” Sirius said quietly. He released his legs and sat up straighter, feet on the ground, shoulders back, defiantly holding up his chin. “I’ve done everything I can to change this, everything I can think of. I’ve gone out with countless girls, shagged a few even, but it’s just… I’m not. I can’t change. I’ve always been like this, as long as I can remember…”

Lily blinked very quickly. “What?”

Sirius looked sharply at her. “ _What_ what?”

Lily shook her head. “Wait I just… Are you telling me that you… fancy blokes? Not girls?”

Sirius’s cheeks went dark with a blush in the dim firelight. “I… wasn’t that what we were talking about?” He asked weakly.

“No, I… I mean. Sev told me you told him how to get past the Whomping Willow because you knew Remus was transforming down there!”

“Oh,” Sirius said, and the color in his cheeks disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. “How do you–?”

“I’m not an idiot,” Lily said. “I’ve known for ages, I just didn’t think it was my business. And Remus knows that I know, so you might as well tell me what happened. Did you tell Snape how to get past the Willow?”

Sirius hung his head. “I did. Stupid thing, idiotic. Nearly got him and Prongs killed, could have gotten Remus thrown in Azkaban or executed or worse… So stupid of me. But uh… Well.” Sirius cleared his throat. “Snape walked in on me and Benjy Fenwick kissing in an empty classroom and I panicked. I didn’t want him to tell anyone because I hadn’t told anyone so...so I thought… I don’t know what I thought, honestly. But I did. I _did_ tell him how to get past the Whomping Willow. Biggest mistake I’ve ever…” He looked helplessly at Lily. “Snape told people anyway of course. He was only forbidden to talk about Remus, and he’d gotten into loads of trouble as well, so I was fair game. He gossiped to his Slytherin friends and my family found out and I was disowned so….”

“Sirius I had no idea,” Lily said quietly. “I’m sorry that happened.”

“I deserved it.”

Lily’s blood boiled. “Of course you didn’t. Nobody does. That’s horrible. What does it matter who you love?”

Sirius laughed humorlessly. “Tell me about it.”

Lily frowned. “Are you alright?”

“Are you?” He asked. “I mean. I’m sure I’m not… I’m sure you’d rather be somewhere else.”

She shook her head. “Do you want to tell me about what happened over break? Or shall I just carrying on like I don’t know already?”

Sirius gave her a small smile. “I’m not going to feign total innocence for you, you know. I’m not that guy. Never have been. He got his jabs in and went on about how I needed to stay away from you, I… Probably goaded him a bit, even though he had his wand on me…”

Lily nodded. “Are you alright? Did he hurt you?”

“Nothing Madame Pomfrey couldn’t fix.” Sirius gently shoved her shoulder. “Oh Lily Evans, protector of the innocent and downtrodden, you don’t need to worry about me.”

“Well you’re neither, so.”

Sirius laughed again.

“Do the others know?”

“Which part?” He said, shrugging. “They know all about my massive fuck up from like year, so I’m guessing you mean the bit where I’m bent?”

Lily frowned. “Don’t call yourself that.”

Sirius shrugged. “I dunno. I’m sure Prongs suspects, of course. He and I uh…” Sirius’s cheeks flushed again, “We did get totally obliterated on a bottle of rum once after fourth year and snog.”

Lily blinked a few times and then giggled. “Merlin, that’s embarrassing.”

“Yeah, yeah I know. Not a shining moment for either of us. He’s an awful kisser if that was anything to go by.” Sirius sighed. “Do you mind if I smoke? This feels like I might as well.” Lily shrugged and Sirius produced a pack of cigarettes from his bag. He lit one and took a deep drag. “So…”

“So.”

“Are we… Can we still be mates?”

Lily smiled. “I think so… assuming there will be no more attempted murder.”

“Well there is a war on.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do.” Sirius took another long drag of his cigarette.

“You know you’re doing really well, right? Mary MacDonald told me that when Snape went after you over break, you only disarmed him.”

“I mean, to be fair I also called him a cunt. And then fell unconscious, so it wasn’t really restraint I was showing.”

Lily smiled. “You know what I mean. You could have really hurt him. You were defending yourself, but you… didn’t hurt him just because you could.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Sure. That’s a cute way to see it. Definitely not that he grabbed his wand faster.”

“Damn it, Sirius, can you just let me give you some credit?” Lily said laughing.

“No. Never. I refuse to admit to anything that paints me as well behaved.”

Lily really laughed then. “I’m sorry I didn’t write,” She said again. “I missed you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you straight away about what happened last year. I just… well I didn’t want to make the mistake of telling anyone else about Remus, since it was such a disaster last time.”

“I understand. I’m glad you told me now, know that I know.” She gave him a playful shove. “Was your Christmas dreadful?”

Sirius nodded. “Oh the worst. I literally spent half of it hanging around with McGonagall. I mean, I love Minerva dearly, but something about watching her get a little too tipsy on sherry and wear a sad paper hat just changes a man.”

“Scarring.”

“I know.”

“Oh I almost forgot,” Lily said, reaching into her bag and producing a small bag of Jelly Babies. “Muggle sweets for you.”

Sirius smiled, and it was so genuine that Lily had to physically hold herself back from hugging him.

 

**(Now)**

Lily followed Sirius up a staircase off the back of the shop, and when they reached the top she saw a door with a glass window. In peeling letters, it said, “Corporate Headquarters: Sleekeazy's Hair Potion.”

“Here we are,” Sirius said, smiling and pushing open the door, revealing a tiny and spacious office which should not have been able to fit in the small space Lily saw outside. He walked casually up to the reception desk and smiled at the receptionist.

“Hello Sirius,” The young and pretty woman said with a French accent, smiling brightly. She eyed Lily and her smile wilted a little. “Who’s your friend?”

“This is Lily Evans, my very close and personal friend,” Sirius said, putting his arm suddenly around Lily’s shoulders in a manner she knew was only to bother the poor clueless girl. “We’re here to see Mr. Potter.”

“Of course.” She picked up a small compact mirror, said, “Fleamont Potter,” and when a voice on the other side said hello, she said, “Mr. Potter, Sirius is here with some girl.” She put the mirror down and looked over at Sirius and Lily, and said in a clipped voice, “He’ll be right with you.”

Sirius smiled and nodded and thanked her, arm still around Lily’s shoulders and pulling her into him far closer than they usually were. Lily noticed that Sirius smelled of cigarettes and something else, very warm and homey. She wondered what it was.

A moment later, an elderly gentleman with little square spectacles appeared in the lobby. “Ah, Sirius, wonderful. I can go home soon then.” He winked at Sirius, who smiled in return. “Who is this?”

“Lily Evans,” Lily said, stepping out of Sirius’s arm to shake Mr. Potter’s hand.

“I know that name,” He said, smiling widely. “I assume you are the ‘stubborn, brilliant, lovely’ girl that James spent about four summers pining for, yes?”

Lily’s felt her face get warm. “Unfortunately, yes.”

“Wonderful,” He said, smiling, “Alright, Sirius, you can show her around, yes? I’d appreciate it if you could just sort the mail and maybe respond to some of it? You know the type. The response templates are in my desk.”

“Of course.”

“Fantastic. Effie’s been after my blood all morning. ‘You are retired, you should be on holiday with your wife and son, you are in your seventies!’ Of course, she’s absolutely correct, but someone needs to make sure this place is still running.”

“Have a good afternoon, Monty.”

“You too Sirius. Are you still coming to dinner tonight?”

“That is the plan, sir.”

“Wonderful, wonderful. You’re welcome to join us as well, Lily. Heaven knows Effie cooks like she’s feeding a small army. A miracle I haven’t woken up to discover I’ve turned into a walrus.”

“Thank you sir, but I’ll have to check with my mother first.”

“Yes yes of course, I suppose most people do don’t they?” He smiled again and Lily gave Sirius a questioning look. “At any rate, I should be off. When you’re finished, Solange will pay you. Don’t stay past three o’clock of course, it’s too nice outside.”

Lily and Sirius nodded dutifully.

“See you later then, Sirius, and Lily I hope I will see you as well.” Fleamont Potter smiled at them and then strolled happily out of the front door.

“He’s… a lot older than I expected,” Lily confessed.

Sirius laughed. “Oh tell me about it. He and Effie were in their fifties before they managed to pop out James. Miracle he didn’t have like, six eyes or something.”

Lily laughed. “You should really tell that poor receptionist that you...er. Like baguettes.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Oh, Solange? Ignore her. She went on one date with Remus last summer and apparently was a bit of a bitch to him. Talked about me the whole time.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Typical.”

“You ought to come to dinner though. At least so we can watch Prongs’s eyes pop out of his head at the idea that you’re in his home where he has wasted countless hours attempting to write you a sonnet.”

“Don’t we have work to do?”

“See, this is exactly why you’re a shoe in for Head Girl.” He led them into a large corner office with wide glass windows. It was surprisingly sunny for a London morning. “Alright, so basically we’re just going to read and sort through the mail. One bin for customer service complaints, one for people raving about how the hair potion saved their lives, and one for advertising correspondence.”

“Alright.”

“It’s rare, but sometimes Mr. Potter gets some – _er–_ personal fan mail. If that’s the case, just duplicate one of the ‘flattered, but not interested’ letters over in the top left drawer.”

“Okay, let’s get to it.”

“Whatever you say, Head Girl.”

“Enough with that. Nobody has got the letter yet.”

 

**(Then)**

“Hello Potter.”

“Hi Lily.”

“What can I do for you?”

James bit his lip. “Uh. Well.” He toyed with a piece of toast he had grabbed for breakfast, and seemed to be eyeing it suspiciously. “Do you know any… er. Gay people?”

Lily blinked in surprise. “I do,” she said evenly.

“Good. Good. And you’re… you’re good with that?”

Lily narrowed her eyes. “Get to the point, Potter.”

“It’s just… I. I’m good with it too, is all,” He said, staring at his toast and not looking at her. “In case. Uh. In case anyone asks you. How I feel. Regarding… gay people.”

Lily looked at him surprise. She didn’t bother to ask what he was on about; she knew he was talking about Sirius. It surprised her to know that Sirius had not come out to James yet. From their last conversation on the subject, Sirius had implied that perhaps he didn’t have to come out to James.

“Okay Potter. Thanks for the… er. Update. I will pass the message along should anyone ask.”

“Thank you.” He looked very relieved.

 

**(Then)**

It was April, and the weather was playing tricks on all of the Hogwarts students. Sunny and warm one moment, freezing rain and wind the next. Lily felt like the weather was giving her whiplash, and she had committed to enlarging her bag so she could feasibly stuff her cloak, mittens, and a winter hat inside of it at all times.

Things were alright, at least at Hogwarts. The outside world reported in the Prophet looked really bleak, but at the very least the peace at Hogwarts seemed to be holding up. The Marauders seemed solid, she and Sirius still did the crossword together every day, and Severus had for the most part kept his distance since Christmas.

That is until the morning of the third Hogsmeade trip of the term, when James Potter appeared at Lily’s table in the Great Hall instead of Sirius. He looked tired; Lily knew the full moon had been earlier in the week, and she wondered if he lost sleep out of solidarity with Remus. He sat down across from her, and Lily put the paper down and looked at him.  “Have you seen Sirius?” Lily asked. “I know it’s early and it’s Saturday… but we usually, uh. Do the crossword together.”

A small crease appeared between James’s brows. “Well. Uh. He went straight to sleep after classes yesterday, honestly. And he wasn’t up yet when I left the dorm.” He apparently saw the panic light in her eyes. “I checked, and he’s definitely still breathing, and he will wake up if you poke him, though he’ll be in a right strop for a bit if you do. So he’s… fine. I guess. Physically at least.”

“Does he do this a lot?” James nodded. Lily chewed her lip. “Is there someone he could talk to? A Healer or something?”

James shrugged. “I don’t know. If he was pissed off all the time I could suggest someone, but I don’t really know what to do about… this.”

“This being?”

“I mean… he’s obviously pretty depressed, right? I’m not just...assuming?”

Lily shook her head. “I don’t think so, no.” She sighed. “So did you drop by to talk about Sirius or…?”

James fiddled nervously with his fork and knife.  “We’re all supposed to go to Hogsmeade together today, but uh. When Sirius was like this over the summer, he didn’t get out of bed for a couple of days, so I’m not sure he’ll be up for it.” He ruffled his hair, then flushed and smoothed a hand on it to get it to lie flatter again. “Would you maybe want to join us?”

Lily blinked.

“I’m not… uh. I’m not asking you out or trying to be a git and take the piss. I just. I thought maybe you could hang around Remus, Peter, and I. In Hogsmeade. If you’d like. I just… you’re friends with my best mate, and I think you’re… great. So. If you wanted to come, we’d all. Er. Like that.”

Lily considered this. Admittedly, she found herself enjoying the company of the Marauders over the company of most other people lately. It couldn’t hurt, could it? The world wouldn’t end if she went to Hogsmeade with some boys. “That would be great, James.”

He smiled so large it created dimples Lily had never seen before. “Great.”

“Could I… can I stop by to see Sirius? Before we head out.”

James shrugged. “I’m not sure it’ll do much.”

“Come on, maybe I can use my womanly wiles.”

James laughed uncomfortably. “I mean… good luck.”

  


**(Then)**

Lily Evans might not have had a lot of experience with what she suspected might be clinical depression, but what she lacked in experience she made up for in nerve and seven years of being best friends with the moodiest child in Cokeworth. So when she appeared at the 6th year boys’ dormitory in Gryffindor tower, Lily did not hesitate to put her hands on her hips and demand that everyone else clear the room.

Peter and Remus looked at her like she was mad, and James tried to give her a high five which she (very mercifully, in her opinion) ignored. “I’ll meet you three at the Three Broomsticks in an hour, yeah?”

“Good luck, mate,” Peter said.

“Don’t be disappointed if he’s not in a talkative mood,” Remus followed.

“Lily Evans is a true Gryffindor and the rest of us a massive babies,” James added, and he nudged his friends down the steps and out of her hair.

Lily took a deep breath and walked into the boy’s dorm. It was a bit of a mess; clothes and Quidditch supplies and school books strewn about in every direction, a collection of chocolate frog cards piled in the window sill, beds all unmade, save for the one four poster nearest the window with the curtains still drawn.

Lily walked over to that bed slowly, and then she dropped her bag and coat to the floor. The sun was peaking out behind some clouds, making the room surprisingly bright. “Sirius?” She said.

No response.

She tried again. “Sirius, the boys and I are pretty worried about you.”

Still nothing.

“It’s a beautiful day… and a Hogsmeade weekend. Come out with us.”

Silence.

“Come on. The sun is out. We can get piss drunk at the Three Broomsticks and laugh at James while he strikes out with Rosemerta. It’ll be fun.”

She waited exactly fifteen seconds before she yanked open the curtains. “Go away,” Sirius mumbled, pulling the duvet over his head and turning away.

Lily rubbed the bridge of her nose for a moment. She then toed off her shoes and said, “Well, budge up then.” Sirius scooted over, obligingly, and turned and eyed Lily suspiciously as she climbed into bed beside him and drew the curtains closed, blocking out the light. The pair of them were on their sides, facing each other.

“What are you doing?”

“Well I’m not leaving you alone like this.”

Sirius stared at her, face expressionless. “What about Hogsmeade?”

“I reckon it’ll still be there for the next Hogsmeade weekend.”

“You should go.”

“Nope. Not going anywhere without you.”

Sirius closed his eyes briefly, looking defeated. “Please, Evans, just go.”

“Don’t do that,” She said softly. “It won’t work. You can’t just brush me off because you find it inconvenient to have someone care about you.”

He closed his eyes again, tighter, and a small line now formed between his eyebrows. “I’m not Snape,” Sirius said with a tone like he was settling something final.

“Of course you’re bloody not. You’re not a bigot for one. And for another, you’re much better looking.”

Sirius quirked the smallest of empty smiles, opening his eyes again. “Glad to know that’s all I’m good for.”

“Oh come on,” Lily said, still smiling. “You know I only said that to work you up.”

Sirius sighed and closed his eyes again. “Really, you ought to go.”

“Come with me. Come on.”

He said nothing. Lily bit her lip and then flung her arm around Sirius and pulled him tightly to her.

“Lily, you know I don’t swing that way.”

“I’m not letting go until you are up and out of this bed.”

Sirius responded by wiggling out of her grip and grabbing her arm when she tried to grab him again. Eyes narrowed and tone cold, he said lowly, “Stop.”

Lily wrenched her arm out of his tight grasp and sighed. “Please, Sirius.”

Nothing. She heaved a massive sigh. He rolled over, back to her. Even though there were only a few inches between them, Lily swore it felt like a crack a mile deep. “I’m here, you know. If you want to talk about it.”

“What’s there to say?” He said after a long moment.

“You could talk about how you’re feeling.”

“No thanks.”

“We could talk about how you’re very lucky? How you’ve got amazing friends and you’re brilliant and you could have it a lot worse.”

He didn’t say anything.

“We could talk about how much I care about you?”

Still nothing.

“Merlin, Sirius, what do you want me to say to you?” She gently put a hand on his arm. “What do you want me to do?”

“Nothing,” He said dully. “Please go.”

Lily felt a burn in the back of her throat. She felt her eyes start to tear and her chin about to tremble. This wasn’t funny anymore. “Sirius… please. I’m worried about you.”

He rolled over. His face hadn’t really changed, but there was the slightest frown on his lips. “I’m sorry.”

“Won’t you come out with us? Just for one drink at the Three Broomsticks?”

“I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” She demanded petulantly.

“What’s the difference?”

“Sirius…”

“Stop it,” He said, still not moving, but his fists clenched. “Just stop. You’re all the same; you all expect that a pat on the head will make me ‘better’ but you have no fucking clue what you’re dealing with.”

“Stop it!”

“Merlin, just get out of here!” He shouted, and he sat up now, and Lily followed him, and he grabbed her wrist tightly, stooped to pick up her shoes, and moved with her in tow to the door of the dormitory. “Get out!”

“No!”

“Fucking hell, Lily, it’s not going to work. Maybe this sort of look-at-how-sweet-and-

helpful-I-am thing worked with Snape, but I’m not him, and I’m not in the mood.”

“What is the matter with you?” She demanded, angry now. “I’m just trying to help!”

“Well stop it!” He countered. “Maybe I don’t want it.”

“Then you’re stupider than I thought.”

“Good. Great. Fantastic.” He was breathing heavily now, standing near the door, and Lily watched the way it seemed to take him conscious effort to remain upright and speaking. “Please just… please just… just go.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m worried. First the fighting and the injuries, now you won’t get out of bed. What is the matter with you? Is someone doing something to you? Hurting you?”

“Just me, as usual,” Sirius said, and there was a dullness in his voice, a deadness.

“You… you’re not hurting _yourself_ are you?”

Sirius let out a hollow laugh. “You’re not really that naive right?”

Lily wanted to storm out and cry her eyes out and never speak to him again, but instead she grabbed Sirius’s arm and pulled his sleeve up, examining the wrists and forearms. No scars or cuts or scratches, though his knuckles were bruised. She was about to demand he take off his shirt when Sirius rolled his eyes at her, “That’s not what I meant.” But he was getting paler and paler standing there, and after a few moments of her trying to hold his gaze, he shuffled back to his four poster bed and closed the hangings.

Lily didn’t follow. Instead she walked, defeated, out of the boys’ dorm, only to be met by the Marauders, all sitting around the common room, casting half hopeful glances to the stairs.

“Is he coming?” Peter asked Lily, eyes alight with hope she would have to extinguish.

She shook her head, tears escaping, and she was led to a chair and James Potter patted her shoulder.

“We’re sorry… we should have warned you,” Remus said.

Lily wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. “Is he always so… angry?”

James shrugged. “Not always, but he’s not… pleasant. When he’s like this.”

“Should we still get piss drunk?” Peter asked, and honestly Lily could have kissed him.

“Yes, I think that’s wise,” Remus said sagely. “Come on. Are you coming Lily?”

She nodded and followed the three Marauders out of the Common Room, catching James Potter’s eye as they both stopped to look back.

 

**(Then)**

Four days later, Sirius Black appeared at the Gryffindor table at lunch, and Lily eyed him suspiciously.

“I’m sorry I was a git.”

“Fine.”

“No, honestly.”

Lily raised an eyebrow but didn’t look up at Sirius. She felt hurt and angry and anxious, and she had spent all weekend oscillating between righteous anger and utter despair, and when Sirius appeared at the table she didn’t know where she ought to land. She propped her Potions text book up against a pitcher of pumpkin juice and began to read, mostly ignoring Sirius, who frowned, sighed, and picked dejectedly at his toast.

Lily sighed. She turned a page in _Advanced Potion Making_ slowly.

Sirius kept glancing up at her, but she didn’t cave. Didn’t speak. Just kept reading. The Great Hall was noisy this Monday morning, but Lily pretended not to notice as the benches filled in around her, small talk and sleepy conversations filling the air, all the while Sirius kept looking hopefully up at her.

She knew she ought not be angry, but she was. Lily was perhaps angrier than she had been over Christmas, which wasn’t fair. But damn it, you don’t retreat into yourself when your friends try to help you. She could not believe he had treated her and the Marauders the way he had this weekend. It was unfair and she wasn’t going to stand for it.

“Alright, I get it. I’ll go.” Sirius stood up, picked up his things, and crossed the Great Hall hurriedly.

“Damn,” Lily muttered, realizing now that she didn’t want him storming off before she had a moment to talk to him. Lily shoved her Potions text into her bag and hurried after Sirius, shouting, “Wait, Sirius, wait!”

But he didn’t, just keeping a quick pace that her legs couldn’t compete with. “Damn it, Sirius, I want to talk to you!” Heads turned as she hurried after him, students turning to see what the commotion was all about.

Sirius acted as if he hadn’t heard her, as if nobody had stopped and stared, striding down the crowded corridor as if deaf and blind.

“Is this about Benjy Fenwick?” She shouted, angry again, _how dare he treat her this way? She was only trying to help!_ “Is he not returning your owls anymore?”

Sirius wheeled around unexpectedly, grabbing Lily by the elbow and hauling her into a deserted broom cupboard off of the Entrance Hall. “What is the _matter_ with you? Shouting that in front of everyone!”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Well you weren’t listening to me!”

“Why on earth would I listen to you right now?” Sirius said, his grey eyes flashing. “You’re angry when I don’t talk to you, angry when I do, and angrier when I try to give you space. What the hell do you want?”

“I don’t even know because your moods are giving me whiplash!” Lily said hotly, her blood pounding in her ears, heart painful against her ribcage. “You expect me to just be waiting around only when you’re in the mood to be my friend, only when it’s convenient, and I am not in the mood to be anyone’s dirty little secret Sirius Black!”

“What the hell?”

“I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you. You’re cheerful one second, and sulky the next. You don’t seem interested in getting help, from me or your friends. You think you’re so misunderstood and broken, like nobody could ever imagine what you’re going through, but, newsflash Black: we get it. We all have problems. I mean, fuck, my best friend called me a Mudblood in front of our whole year last year; one of yours is a werewolf. Don’t pretend like you’ve got it worse than everyone else because your parents are rotten. You pushing everyone away is the reason you’re miserable, Sirius.”

“You’re joking right?”

“God, what aren’t we doing that you need? James is basically covered in stress hives, Remus has spent half of this weekend up all night with me, Peter hasn’t got any fingernails to speak of anymore, and we’re all worried sick about you. What aren’t we doing?”

“Nobody asked you to do that!” He said, angry. “I sure as hell never did!”

“We care about you, you idiot!”

“Well stop it if it’s such an inconvenience!”

Lily raked a hand through her thick hair, furious, spitting, “God, you’re just as bad as Severus! At least when he got into a strop about something stupid he could snap out of it–”

Sirius looked at her in disbelief, eyes impossibly wide, pale face completely blank. “Do not ever compare me to Snape.”

“Well if the robes _fit–_ ”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about!” Sirius said, eyes flashing, teeth bared, hands tangled in his hair. He looked mad; he looked uncomprehendingly wounded, like a kicked puppy.  “Don’t you dare tell me you have any idea what is happening with me.”

“Oh please, Sirius, your friends don’t give a damn that you’re gay!”

“Do you really think being gay is my biggest problem right now?” He said in a quiet, low voice. It made him sound dangerous. Lily took a small step back only to hit the back of the broom cupboard. “Do you honestly think I give a fuck that I’m bent when there is a goddamn war on? When my fucking family… when Dolohov is after me–” Sirius stopped, seeming to come back to himself suddenly. “Nevermind.” His hand was on the door, his head bowed.

“What?” Lily said, heart in her throat, groping desperately for Sirius’s hand, shoulder, anything to keep him there and force him to explain himself. “Who?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Sirius said, shaking his head, and in the time it took Lily to blink he was out of the cupboard and long gone.

“Fuck,” She muttered, thumping the back of her head on the cupboard wall behind her.

  


**(Then)**

_Dolohov is after me._

_Dolohov is after me…_

Lily felt a little like she was being haunted by an unbelievably repetitive ghost. She felt sick, something like the time when she was nearly fifteen and Severus had stolen some of his father’s cigarettes and the pair of them spent an entire day of their Christmas break huddled together in the woods over a jar of flames Sev had stolen from his mother smoking them. Lily’s father had been dead nearly six months, and Sev’s father had been drunk for approximately that whole time, and cigarettes seemed like a solution to the gloom they shared. In the end, Lily smoked four, and Severus six, and both of them ended up getting sick from coughing as the sunset and they gave it up as a bad job and walked home to the Evans’ house, dejected, and watched several hours of BBC while Tuney hid from them upstairs.

_Dolohov is after me…_

Her concentration in Ancient Runes was shit, and she actually ended up failing so spectacularly at her Wit Sharpening Potion that she nearly burned a hole through the bottom of her cauldron. Slughorn pulled her aside after class to ask if everything was alright, and Lily merely shrugged, said she was having an off day, and walked out in him in the middle of his offer to let her come back during a free period to give the potion another go.

Lily decided to skip dinner, and instead headed for the library, checking out a student directory from the previous school year and scanned through the names by House, looking for a Dolohov. She got nowhere. She tried one from her third year, and still found nothing. She half intended to spend the whole night looking, but the directory from her first and second years weren’t on the shelves and the librarian threw her, damn near bodily, out of the library as it neared midnight.

Lily barely slept at all that night. She avoided the Marauders in the Common Room, Sirius naturally absent, and fell asleep fretfully just before dawn, the words _Dolohov is after me…_ providing the most sickening lullaby she could imagine.

She woke with a start on Wednesday morning, just after seven, still fully dressed, and looked around the room, having the strangest feeling that someone had just been watching her. She found, with little relief, that the room was mostly empty, the exception being Marlene McKinnon still sleeping in the bed beside hers.

Lily got up, forced herself to shower and brush her teeth, to dress in her uniform, and head down to the Common Room straight away. The three Marauders she had grown accustomed to seeing were sitting there, apparently waiting for her.

“We hear you’ve had a row with Sirius,” Peter said conversationally when she walked over to join them.

“I...er. Yeah.”

James sighed. “It’s not that we’re angry with you…”

“It’s just that…” Remus looked to the others for support. “We’d been hoping that you were a bit more levelheaded than us is all.”

“We’ve been on him to let us help, if we can, with whatever it is, for ages now.”

“And he’s been giving us the slip, brushing us off, ignoring us…”

Peter have Lily a sad smile. “We've been sort of hoping that you’d be able to get it out of him.”

Lily sank down in the chair nearest them. “And why on earth would you think that? I barely know him! We’ve only just become friends.”

“Well, exactly,” Remus said. “We’re old news with old baggage and drama.”

“Also you’re generally well liked and known for putting up with…” Peter paused as if he were attempting to phrase this delicately, “With...er. Less than, uh. Nice friends.”

“You mean Snape,” Lily said dully.

“I mean Snape,” Peter agreed, shaking his head.

“Also you’re a girl,” James carried on bravely. “And well. You know blokes can get a bit…

er… weird about the touchy feely business.”

“So you just expected me to take care of him for you lot, since you’re all clueless buffoons?”

“Not entirely...but also yes. A little. We did hope you might be able to get through to him where we couldn’t,” Remus said.

Lily crossed her arms over her chest, debating whether or not it was worth it to be angry with them. “I’ll deal with this very charming display of sexism later…” She said, massaging the bridge of her nose. “Can any of you idiots tell me who Dolohov is?”

Lily looked up at Remus and Peter trading perplexed glances, and James looking a little green around the edges. “Dolohov?” He repeated, his voice a bit higher than it had been a moment before. Lily nodded. “Dolohov is a Death Eater.”

Lily blinked, her heart racing. “Do you know that for certain?”

James nodded. “He… yeah. He is. He was pretty public about his support for You-Know-Who in the Prophet a few years back, and he’s been known to hang around the other known Death Eaters.”

“Any idea why he might be after Sirius?”

The room was so silent they might have heard a pin drop. “What?” James said, and he was on his feet, clearly panicked.

“It’s something Sirius said when we were rowing yesterday, and I only just remembered it!” Lily lied, because how was she to have known Dolohov was a Death Eater? “Sirius was really angry and he said something about Dolohov being after him and then he stormed off.”

“Those were his exact words?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck,” James said, turning on the spot. “Fuck, fuck, Evans, fuck!”

Remus and Peter looked insanely pale. “Lily,” Remus said quietly after a moment. “When was the last time you saw Sirius?”

Lily swallowed. “When we rowed, yesterday afternoon. Why?”

Peter was biting his already chewed down fingernails, and James looked at her suddenly, and his voice came out almost like a sob, “Yesterday afternoon… We didn’t think. He goes off sometimes, he disappears…”

“Check the map,” Remus said harshly, and a moment later James had grabbed Lily’s arm and dragged her along behind him as they raced up the steps to the boys’ dormitory, Peter diving for his trunk and rooting through the contents until he pulled out a piece of plain looking parchment, and Remus was already muttering, “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” with his wand out. The four of them crowded around the map frantically, eyes scanning, searching for the name “Sirius Black.”

“I don’t see him,” Peter whined, his breathing noisy and ragged. “I don’t see him.”

“Damn it, damn it!” James shouted getting to his feet.

“What do we do?” Lily said, clamoring to hers.

“We’ve got to find him but I… hang on.” He dug through his bag, produced a small mirror. Half shouting he said, “Sirius Black,” into the glass and waited. There was a rustling noise, and James said “Sirius? Sirius where are you?”

There was more muffled noises, and in the faintest noise in the background Lily heard the word “Kensington” and then James let out a frustrated snarl because apparently whatever connection had been happening had ended.

“Fuck, fuck!”

“Kensington?” Lily said, “Did you hear that? Kensington? Like in London?”

“Yeah, brilliant Evans, it’s not like Kensington is large by any means,” James snapped. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

“Don’t yell at me!” Lily said, her voice hollow.

“Okay, okay,” Remus said, looking distraught. “Uh. Okay.  Let’s split up… Peter and I will… we’ll go to Dumbledore. Lily, you uh… Honestly I doubt it will help, but could you go talk to Snape? He seems like he’s friends with the sort… Prongs, can you uh. Check with Regulus, see if he knows anything?”  
James nodded curtly, and he grabbed Lily’s hand and the pair of them ran at top speed down to the Great Hall, splitting up once they reached the Slytherin table.

“Sev…” Lily panted as she reached him. “I need… to… talk to you. It’s...urgent.”

Severus narrowed his eyes. “What about?”

“Sirius Black,” Lily said, nearly shouting.

Severus’s eyes thinned to slits. “Oh your new best mate?”

“Severus, please, it’s important… I think he might be in trouble.  Are you friends with anyone who knows Dolohov? Do you know anyone who might know where he would take someone?”

“Typically to the graveyard, from what I’ve heard,” Severus said, as though bored.

“Sev please.”

“I’m afraid I can’t help you. You’ve made it fairly clear that you’re happy to see me out of your life. Can’t imagine why you think I would help you now, let alone Black.”

Lily shook her head. “Nevermind you then.”

She whipped around, looking for James, who met her very near the doors to the Great Hall. “Regulus isn’t here… I tried to get an answer out of his smarmy Slytherin friends, and all they said was they hadn’t seen him since yesterday after lessons.”

“Damn it,” Lily wheezed and they were running again she realized. “Where are we going?” She demanded.

“I have an idea…. It’s probably stupid but… come on.” James grabbed her arm, running, pulling her along across the grounds. Lily didn’t think she had run this much since she was a very small child. She could hardly catch her breath. “Can you apparate?” James asked suddenly. “Have you been able to in class?”

“Yes, but, but… you can’t apparate on Hogwarts Grounds!”

“That’s…that’s why we’re _leaving_.”

They stopped once they were officially off campus, just past the gate, on the path that led to Hogsmeade. Lily was bent double, gasping. “We can’t just apparate to London. We’ll never find him.”

“We might,” James said, wheezing. He pulled what appeared to be a silver cigarette lighter from his pocket. “With this.”

“I don’t think smoking is going to help.”

“No… I… I don’t know what it is, exactly, but I nicked it from Dumbledore.”

“You stole from Dumbledore?”

“Priorities, Evans!” James said, face hard. “It can help you find people. Sirius and I were messing with it a few weeks back… we thought it just turned lights off and on, but then it went off during apparition lessons. We just need to get him to say one of our names.”

“What? How can we do that?”

“I… Great question.” James’s forehead wrinkled, and he pulled that mirror from his pocket again. “SIRIUS BLACK!” he thundered.

A second later, softly, from the direction of the cigarette lighter, “James.”

James clicked the lighter and a huge yellow ball of light appeared. It hovered for a moment and then floated into James’s chest.

“Come on, just, concentrate on Sirius and we’ll apparate.”

“What? How? Shouldn’t we get Dumbledore…?”

“We don’t have time!”

Lily knew it was stupid. But she knew James was right; they were running out of time.

Lily gripped James Potter’s arm very tightly, and they nodded at each other and turned on the spot at the same moment, falling back into nothingness, and suddenly they were apparating. It took a long minute, Lily unable to breath or blink, and then just as suddenly, with a pop, she and James Potter were standing, arms still clutching each other, in the middle of a quiet, empty street, sky gray, air cool.

“Are we… is this Kensington?” Lily asked.

James looked around. The building beside them had the Dutch flag outside… an embassy. “Definitely.”

“How the fuck did that light thing work?” She nearly shrieked.

“Merlin, Evans, priorities.”

“I just… I mean. I’ve never read anything like it…” She said feebly. Lily looked around at the house behind them, a huge white stucco building which had at least six floors. “How are we supposed to find him, now that we’re here? We can’t exactly just… burst in doors.”

James was frowning, hazel eyes darting about wildly. “Hang on, just… let me…” He pulled out a mirror again and said, “Sirius Black” at it again.

Muffled sounds came through on the other side, and James stared at it intently, listening closely, and after a breath he could hear in a hoarse whisper, “Basement…. Flag...Dutch, Dutch flag…” The sound cut out after a sudden scream

James Potter looked white as a ghost. “He’s… he’s got to be nearby. If I’m right… he saw this.” He pointed to the embassy behind them. “It’s… we’re definitely close.”

“So, do we just… burst in, wands a blazing? There are probably Death Eaters.”

James nodded. “We’ll need some kind of diversion... “ He said thoughtfully. “And I have my Invisibility Cloak.”

“This...this isn’t some Hogwarts prank…. Maybe. Maybe we ought to just wait… wait for help. Go back to school, Dumbledore…”

“My best mate could be dead by then,” James said coldly. “So just… help me.”

Lily shivered but nodded. “What do I do?”

 

**(Now)**

Lily yawned. They had finished sorting through mail in Mr. Potter’s office a few hours before, eventually ending up on the tube to Camden Market, where they were presently pouring over some records in a shop, while Lily wondered allowed how much a nose piercing might hurt, eyes wandering across the street to the tattoo and piercing parlor whose sign had caught her eye.

“I bet it’s not so bad,” Sirius said.

“You’ve never had anything pierced. How would you know?”

“You know, Evans, that’s a great point. Let’s go.”

“Wh-what?” Lily spluttered, and Sirius grabbed her wrist and dragged her out of the record shop, across the crowded street, and into the tattoo parlor. He began chatting up the girl who worked there, a safety pin through the top of her ear and a massive tattoo of a dragon up her exposed arms. She smiled at Sirius, and the pair of them headed toward the back of the shop. “Wait! I’m coming with you!” Lily said, hurrying after the pair. The girl with the dragon tattoo looked slightly irritated.

It was a rather clinical affair. Sirius sat up on a table like doctor’s had in their offices, explained where the rings ought to go, made a huge silly show of asking Lily to hold his hand, and in less than ten minutes, Sirius was handing over muggle cash to the girl with the safety pin in her ear, two small, silver hoops in the lobe of his right ear.

“Oh my god, I cannot believe you did that,” Lily said, laughing.

“It wasn’t bad.”

“They look really good, Sirius. Definitely can’t say that you look too well behaved anymore.”

“I’m very excited to see whether McGonagall tells me they aren’t allowed because of the dress code.”

Lily laughed and laughed and laughed.

“I wonder what Effie will think?” Sirius said. “You should absolutely come to dinner, Evans, I might need a human shield.”

“I didn’t realize Mrs. Potter was such a strict disciplinarian.”

 

**(Now)**

“I should warn him,” Sirius said, looking pleadingly at Lily. “He might hurt himself if he doesn’t know.”

Lily rolled her eyes but smiled. “Oh, alright, warn James Potter that big scary Lily Evans is coming to dinner.”

“Brilliant, cheers Evans.” He smiled. “James Potter,” Sirius said into a mirror he pulled out of his pocket.

“Pads, good, are you still coming to dinner?  Dad said you stopped in at work earlier, but I got involved with Arthur Weasley’s whole biting tea cup fiasco and there was an exploding toilet and Pete dropped by and… Yeah, basically, I forgot. Are you still coming?”

“I am. And I’m bringing a guest, per Monty’s request”

“A guest? Like a date?”

Sirius smiled mischievously. “Well…”

Lily shoved his shoulder. “Sirius don’t tease. Hey Potter. He’s bringing me along, don’t be angry.”

“Why would I be angry?” James said, his voice a little higher than usual. “Sure. Lily Evans is coming to dinner. At my house. Fine. Totally great. Super normal, average, everyday occurrence.”

“Aww, James, won’t you be happy to see me?” Lily teased.

Sirius nudged her side. James was definitely blushing now. “Uh. Of course. When are you two getting here?”

“We’re literally about to apparate, mate, but Evans here was afraid you’d cry if she turned up unannounced.”

“So kind of you,” James said sarcastically. “See you soon.”

 

**(Then)**

“It’s going to be okay,” Lily said to herself, breathing heavily.

“Evans, be quiet.”

She took a shaky breath.

“This is going to work,” James said, voice unsteady. “Ready?”

“No.”

“Too bad,” James muttered. He pulled the Invisibility Cloak over both of them, and Lily pointed her wand at the door to unlock it. They crept inside and headed down the steps. Lily unlocked a second door. They walked slowly and silently through a tight corridor, and then James had to clap a hand over Lily’s mouth because he seemed to know she was about to scream.

A man –massive, with a severe widow’s peak and a cruel smile –had his wand to the throat of Regulus Black, who whimpered slightly, head seemed to be held up only by the force of the hand pulling at his hair. Another man, lean and pale, was smirking at Sirius, whose face was white with terror.

“Now, you didn’t like that did you?” The man near Sirius said. “Don’t want your baby

brother to be in pain, do you?”

“I already told you that I don’t know anything…” Sirius said. “I’m no use to you.”

“You are though,” the smirking man said. “So very useful. You’re close to the Potters, very wealthy, very involved in the resistance. One little spell from you could… sway their loyalties.”

Lily pulled desperately at James’s arm. He kept his hand over her mouth, tighter.

“I can’t. I won’t help you.”

“We could do more than you can imagine,” The large man said, dropping Regulus’s head, which lolled to the side. “We could get rid of Severus Snape. We know he’s a thorn in your side, and is far more irritating than he is useful.”

Sirius stared blankly at him.

“There is also the matter of your parents,” The smirking man said. “I think that… realigning your loyalties might help them see how valuable you are as an heir.”

“Doubtful.”

“Oh, the Dark Lord can be very persuasive.”

Sirius looked away. “I’m not interested.”

“That’s a very dangerous thing to be saying, you know.”

“So kill me. I know that’s the plan. If I say no, you make Reg watch me get murdered, and he’s the second best option for you anyways so you still win.”

“Oh, how smart this one thinks he is,” The smirking man said, smiling at his companion.

The other one laughed.

“We’re not going to kill you, Sirius. We’ll kill your brother.”

Sirius stilled. “What?”

“Well we were hoping it wouldn’t come to this… but one must always have a contingency plan. Enter, Regulus. You see… you’ll do as we say, or we’ll kill your brother.”

Sirius swallowed audibly. Lily was scratching at James’s hand now, viciously, trying to get away so they could execute their plan but he seemed frozen.

“I…”

“It’s a simple choice.” The smirking man nodded to the other man. “Wake him up.”

“Renervate,” said the other man, and Regulus Black opened his eyes.

He blinked a few times, taking in the situation. “Sirius?” He said, voice uncertain.

“Join us or your brother dies.”

Sirius looked at Regulus, stuttering, “I-I… I can’t.”

“Kill him.”

 

**(Now)**

“Just remember, Effie will love you, so try not to be lured in by that. She practically had me dating James by the end of the first time we met.”

“Ugh, that’s practically incest.”

“Actually, it’s _technically_ incest. Pretty sure James and I are something like… 3rd cousins? Though it might be by marriage, I don’t remember anymore.”

“Really?”

“All purebloods are interrelated in one way or another. Damn zealots.”

He reached out and rang the doorbell. Lily raised an eyebrow; she was surprised he would bother with such a formality. “This is really just a courtesy,” Sirius explained, and then he placed a hand on the doorknob and opened the door.  

“Warning James?”

“Well, you guilted me into it.”

“Sirius, is that you?” A woman’s voice called out. “Thank goodness, I can’t get this red sauce quite right. I followed the recipe you left any everything. Did you ring the doorbell? How many times do I have to tell you not to ring the bell, you’re family for Merlin’s sake.”

 _Sorry,_ Sirius mouthed, shrugging out of his jacket and hurrying into the kitchen. He waved after Lily to follow. She had stepped through the large, sun filled dining room, and into a massive kitchen just in time to see Sirius hugging Mrs. Potter. She was a small woman with an angular face and graying black hair pulled back into a plait. She patted Sirius’s cheek, then paused.

“What’s this?” She was looking at his ear. “You’ve pierced your ear now? What’s next, a tattoo?”

“I was thinking it would say Euphemia in a heart, what do you think?”

Mrs. Potter playfully swatted him about the head. “Silly boy, it’s like you’re _trying_ to look like some kind of neerdowell. And who is this?” Her hazel eyes had traveled to where Lily stood.

Lily smiled, extending a hand, “Hello Mrs. Potter, I’m Lily Evans.”

Mrs. Potter’s face broke out into a wicked smile. “Lovely to meet you.” She looked to Sirius. “You brought _Lily Evans_ to dinner.”

“I warned James already.”

“Oh thank Merlin, I was afraid he would faint,” She said smiling. “Okay, great, can you check the sauce and see what it’s missing?” Mrs. Potter turned to Lily. “Sirius is actually a marvelous cook, but don’t tell anyone. He’s trying to come across as a some kind of streetwise bad boy and this would ruin that whole image.”

“I won’t say a word,” Lily swore, giggling.

“I think it needs a little more sugar,” Sirius said, reaching around the countertop and locating a container of sugar and scooping a little spoonful into the pot on the stove. He stirred, then tasted it. “Yeah, I think that was it. Try it?” He held out a spoon to James’s mother. She tasted the sauce, nodding.

“Yes, that was it, thank you!”

A moment later, James Potter stumbled into the kitchen, his hair wet. “Hey Sirius. Hi Lily.”

“Hi James.”

“Sorry, there was a bit of a toilet situation at work after the teacups, so I needed to make sure I scrubbed off a layer of my epidermis.”

“How are you liking your internship?” Lily asked. Sirius rolled his eyes behind James’s back, dramatically miming falling asleep at the table.

“It’s really good, actually,” James said, smiling. “I know Pads thinks it’s crap, but he’s never done an honest day’s work in his life, so that’s probably the issue.”

“Oi, I spent most of the afternoon working!”

“He did,” Lily said fairly. “I was with him.”

“Couldn’t convince Remus?” James teased. “Sirius hates being in that office alone. He’s scared of Solonge.”

“I don’t blame him,” James’s mother chimed in. “That receptionist is over the moon for him. I’d want a bodyguard as well.”

“She did seem a touch… overly interested,” Lily noted.

James laughed. “To be fair, once Sirius came in and she handed him her knickers.”

“Oi! Mum’s present, can we not?”

“Mum’s already heard it all,” Mrs. Potter said. “That Solonge is a bit… aggressive.”

“She did seem a bit put out that I was there.”

“Dinner’s ready. James, call your father, Sirius would you help set the table?”

“Can I help, Mrs. Potter?”

“Oh, of course, thank you! Would you mind helping me carry all of this?

Lily and Mrs. Potter levitated the massive serving dishes onto the table that Sirius was setting. James returned a moment later, Fleamont Potter behind him, staring down at a copy of the Daily Prophet.

“Sirius, what’s a six letter word for Muggle?”

“No-maj,” Sirius and Lily said at once. Sirius cracked up laughing, and Fleamont looked between them, amused.

“It’s an American word,” Lily mumbled, flushing. “My parents took us all on holiday when I was ten, right after I found out I was a witch.”

“Ten?” James questioned.

Lily felt her flush go deeper. “Severus Snape grew up in my neighborhood. He’s a Slytherin in our year,” She added, looking at Mr. and Mrs. Potter. “He saw me doing magic one day, and he told me about magic and Hogwarts.”

“Oh, that’s very interesting,” Mr. Potter said. “So your parents are Muggles? Lovely! How did they take the news?”

“Fine,” Lily said. “My mum noticed something odd going on when I was about five. I used to leap off of things and not hurt myself, since I’d just sort of float instead of fall down. She kept telling me to stop, afraid I would hurt myself.”

“I don’t blame her,” Mrs. Potter said, nodding. “Not that magic helped James much. Sometimes he felt like he was trying to get concussed on purpose growing up. We were actually not sure if he even had magic until he was about seven and he levitated up to our highest cabinets to steal sweets we had stashed away.”

Lily smiled. “Did you do any silly accidental magic as a kid, Sirius?”

He shrugged. “Nothing especially fun. I stuck my brother Regulus to the ceiling once when he annoyed me.”

Lily nodded, wishing she hadn’t brought it up.

 

**(Then)**

“What, no!” Sirius shouted, and Regulus screamed as the large man pointed his wand at him, and then Sirius shouted, “I’ll do it. I’ll do it, please, don’t hurt him.”

The smirking man turned to Sirius and smiled. “Perfect.”

“Now,” James whispered in Lily’s ear, and she nodded. He let go of her, and they cast two reductor curses behind them, exploding the back wall.

“What was that?”

“Stun them,” Lily whispered to James, and as the Death Eaters scrambled toward the explosion, another went off, leaving them disoriented.

“Stupefy!” Lily whispered, taking down the large Death Eater. But then the smirking man crashed headlong into them, and Lily tumbled painfully to the floor.

“Well well well,” The Death Eater said, getting to his feet, but James was ready, stunning him before he could say another word.

“We have to go,” James urged. “There’s more of them, I can hear them trying to get through the rubble.”

“Hurry,” She said, and rushed to Regulus while James hurried to Sirius. Regulus was unconscious, probably hit by a Stunner, as there were a number of jets of red light flying through the air now. She could hear a high pitched laugh coming closer, one that the papers had never reported but she instantly knew who it belonged to.

“We have to go!” James shouted, and Lily stooped to pick up Sirius’s wand, and then grabbed hold of James, who held Sirius’s hand, and they all apparated, the last thing she saw a pair of red eyes.

A moment later, they landed on the hard, cold ground just outside of Hogwarts.

Sirius was panting heavily and bleeding from a cut above his eyebrow. James collapsed back on the grass, muttering that he thought he had splinched himself a little. Regulus was still unconscious.

“Is he dead?” Sirius rasped, looking at his brother. “Please tell me he isn’t dead.”

“No… just knocked out,” Lily said. “Though it might be best not to wake him until we’ve got help.”

“Hagrid’s the closest,” James said, getting to his feet. “I’ll… be right back.”

Lily looked at Sirius over Regulus’s unconscious form. Sirius’s face was filthy and streaked with tears. “I thought… I thought…”

“I know.”

“I couldn’t let them.”

“I know.” Lily crawled closer, putting an arm around him. “I know. You were trying to protect him.”

Sirius hiccupped. “I… I thought I was going mad…”  
“Why?”  
“They… I thought I saw Voldemort.”

“What?”

“I… they used the Cruciatus Curse on me… but as we were escaping I thought I saw…”

Lily stared at him. “I saw him too.”

Sirius looked extremely pale. “I guess I’m… highly sought out.”

“Fuck.”

 

**(Now)**

A week had passed. Still no school owls. Not that Lily was counting the days or anything.

She had hung around with Sirius most days. Occasionally working through the post at Sleekezy’s, occasionally just tooling about on his motorbike.

It was nearly 11:00am. Lily was sitting with her mother in the kitchen, chatting about the weather and what Lily and Sirius had done the previous day, when the official looking owl bearing a Hogwarts Crest delivered a letter to Lily before flapping off importantly.

Inside was a heavy, metal badge.

Head Girl.

Lily jumped up suddenly. “I got it!” She said, her voice louder than she meant it to be. “Mum, I got Head Girl!”

“That’s wonderful!” Her mother said, smiling. “I knew you would get it.”

“Thanks.”

Lily headed off to her room, entirely planning to write to Sirius to tell him he’d won his bet on the Head Girl race, but then the doorbell rang.

Lily’s mother answered, and Lily could hear her chatting with a lower voice before she heard her mother call her name. Lily turned back down the steps and was surprised to discover James Potter standing in her sitting room.

“James. Hi.”

“Hi… Can I talk to you for a minute? I’m sorry to just turn up like this.”

“Sure.”

Lily’s mother smiled and headed toward the kitchen.

“What’s up?” Lily asked James.

“Did you… Uh.” He reached into the pocket of his jeans, and produced a metal badge. It said Head Boy. “I got Head Boy. Dumbledore’s lost his marbles. You got Head Girl, right? Please say yes.”

“Yes.” Lily showed him her badge. “How…?”

James shook his head. “This is a mistake. It can’t be me… I.”

Lily remembered what Sirius had said the other day. “Could they have pulled in the Quidditch Captains? Sirius said that had happened before.”

“It should have been Remus.”

“You know it can’t be.”

James frowned. “I know why it can’t be, but it’s crap. You know it.”

“Of course I know it,” Lily snapped. “He’s far more suited for it than _you_ at any rate.”

James’s shoulders visibly sunk. “Sorry.”

Lily sighed. “No… I. I’m sorry. That wasn’t necessary. I’m sure you’ll do great.”

James smiled. “You don’t have to _lie,_ Evans. I’m not so easily wounded.”

Lily smiled back. “Honestly, I think you won’t be so bad. Much better than any of the other seventh year prefects. You’re a natural leader, you work well under pressure, and you get on with three quarters of the school. It’s a good fit.”

James’s face went a little pink. “Merlin, Evans, you’d think I was fishing for compliments.”

“You so were.”

“Fine, you caught me. I just wanted you to tell my I won’t be crap.”

“Why?”

“Because if you think it’s possible, then I have to believe you.”

“No idea what that means.”

James rolled his eyes. “You are the biggest doubter of my abilities and natural charm out there. And if you think I won’t make a tit of myself attempting this… then I suppose you’re right. You’re like the second to last person in the world who would compliment me just to make me feel better.”

“The last being?”

“You know who.”

Lily’s eyebrows went up. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t bring up Voldemort please. I haven’t really talked to my mum about it.”

“Oh… I meant Snape.”

“Oh. Uh. Right.”

James stood there for a moment, hands behind his back, as they attempted to nudge away the awkwardness. “I… Uh. I never congratulated you.”

“Oh.”

“Well… Congratulations Evans. Well done on… getting Head Girl.”

“Thanks. Congrats on getting Head Boy.”

James smiled. “This is going to ruin my reputation, you know.”

Lily laughed. “I doubt one year of being marginally well behaved will outweigh the last six of general tomfoolery and mischief making.”

“Maybe we should let you take credit for all the swottiness and rule following. Just in case.”

“Oh no, you’ll get full credit for every swotty thing you do Potter. Including this.”

“What? Why this? How is this swotty?”  
“Well, this seems like the Head Boy and Head Girl convened, over the summer, without the instruction of the headmaster, to discuss the upcoming school year to be sure that they were both prepared. Pretty damn swotty.” She smiled evilly now. “And then there is the whole matter of your internship at the Ministry. Tell me, Potter, is that for pay? Because a little _doggy_ told me it was for credit. In Muggle Studies.”

James smiled wider. “Oh man. Do not tell Peter. I still need at least one person who will worship me, and this might be the last straw even for him.”

Lily laughed. “I’m glad it’s you, Potter. You are…. Remarkably easy to get along with, now that you aren’t trying to torture me specifically.”

“Evans, please, stop, I can’t handle the intense flattery.” James rubbed the back of his neck with his head. “Anyways… uh. My parents let me throw this end of the summer do every year. Typically it’s just Sirius, Remus, and Peter plus a few kids who live in the area but… if you wanted to come, that would be… eh. Good.”

Lily smiled. “I’d love to.”

“Brilliant! It’s this Friday. At seven?”

“Sounds great.”

 

**(Then)**

Lily had never gotten such a stern talking to as she got when Professor McGonagall learned that she and James Potter had left school grounds, on their own, on a rescue mission. The words reckless, idiotic, dangerous, and foolhardy were not the words typically used to describe her. James had joked that it was something you go used to once you were labeled as a troublemaker.

She and James were mostly fine. They’d gotten a bit of a lecture from Hagrid and Dumbledore once they had gotten Regulus and Sirius to the Hospital Wing. Lily and James had both been minorly splinched in the escape; James was missing a few fingernails. Lily had left behind a few teeth. Apparently those had to be regrown, since hers were in London, so Lily had to spend a night in the Hospital Wing along with Sirius and Regulus. James was free to go, but only after they received a warning not to go into pits of Death Eaters on their own again.

Madam Pomfrey had immediately given Sirius a dreamless sleep potion. Lily later overheard she admitting to McGonagall that this was partly because Sirius was such a terrible patient. On previous visits to the Hospital Wing he had gotten out of bed to check on the others in the Wing (most often the other Marauders), but on this occasion he had been so insistent that she look at Regulus and Lily first that Pomfrey knew immediately that she had a better chance of actually healing him if he was unconscious.

All together, Regulus was fine. He had been stunned a few times, and honestly it appeared that the worst of the damage was that he did not remember what happened. The day after Lily had been released from the Hospital, all of her teeth now in her mouth again, she had turned up to visit Sirius, only to discover him out of bed and speaking in a low voice to Regulus. “I’m so sorry about what happened.”

“I dunno what you’re talking about,” Regulus said, as if he was bored.

“It was my fault that they took you, they were trying to persuade me to join up… I’m

sorry.”

“Who are you talking about?”

“Dolohov? The Death Eaters? Reg, you can’t tell me that you honestly don’t remember being kidnapped.”

Regulus crossed his arms over his chest. “I do not. Frankly, I just assumed that one of your enemies had mistaken me for you again.”

“Regulus, please, listen… I’m sorry, but you have to be careful. I pissed off a lot of Death Eaters, and they might come to you next.”

“Good,” Regulus said. “I’d be proud to join them.”

“Reg,” Sirius said, sounding alarmed. “Are you insane? You’re barely fifteen… and those people are monsters.”

“Those people are my family.” Regulus said, turning his head. “Unlike you.”

“Reg, I…”

But Regulus had noticed Lily and fallen silent, as if it was too embarrassing to be caught speaking to Sirius that he could not even acknowledge her with an insult.

Sirius gave his brother a long look before returning to his bed, where he sat frowning. “She won’t let either of us leave until tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry,” Lily said.

Sirius shrugged.

A little while later, the other Marauders came to visit Sirius, which Madam Pomfrey clearly did not like because she responded by immediately kicking Lily out. James, looking sheepishly back at Sirius and the others said he would be back, and followed her out of the Hospital Wing.

“Walk you back?”

“Sure, if you want.” Lily turned to him. “I know it’s nutty, but I feel a little bit… better, not walking around alone.”

“I know. I kind of feel like there’s this huge target on my back now.”

“I guess we know how to piss off the wrong people.”

“We sure do, Evans,” James said, almost laughing. “Are you okay, though?”

“Yeah. I think so. It’s a bit scary, everything that happened but… I think I’m alright.”

“Good. Good. That’s… good.”

They walked quietly for a moment.

“Listen, Lily…”

“Yes?”

“Would it be alright if I wrote you this summer? Like properly, not just to talk about Sirius?”

Lily smiled. “I would like that.”

“I know that it’s barely April so I’m getting ahead of myself asking, but I really think it might be…” He trailed off. “Wait, did you say yes?”

Lily laughed. “Yes. I’m glad you noticed.”

James smiled back. “Great.” They were at the portrait hole now, but Lily suspected that James had something more to say. He kept reaching a hand up like he was going to mess up his hair but thought better of it and pretended to scratch an itch on the side of his face. “Lily… I. I know that in the past I’ve been a complete prat to you, and I’m sorry.  But you… But I… Sirius is… ” He sighed, like the words coming out of his mouth weren’t at all the ones he had planned. “What I’m trying to say is… that. I like you. I think you’re brilliant. And… and I know it’s probably a stupid thing to ask but, uh. Would you… maybe… want to go out sometime?”

Lily was genuinely surprised by this. “Oh.”

James’s smile slipped a little. “Oh… Oh is not good.”

Lily tried to smile in a sympathetic way. “Oh. I’m… I’m so sorry, James. I. That’s very nice of you to ask…”

“But you hate me and want me to go away forever?”

Lily sighed. “But, I… I’m not sure I feel the same way.”

“I understand. Thanks for uh… being honest. And nice about it.”

Lily fiddled awkwardly with a piece of her hair. “I think you’re… amazing, James Potter. I’ve never met anyone who would do what you did for Sirius without hesitation, even though it was likely to get you murdered. That’s… remarkable. And a little stupid, but mostly remarkable. You’re… you aren’t the person I thought you were last year. I think you’re far better than that… and. And I would like it if we could be friends.”

“Oh.”

“Oh is bad,” Lily said, her lips twitching just a little.

“No, no… I just. I… sorry. I assumed that it might be an all or nothing sort of situation.”

“I believe, as the rejected party, you get to make that call.”

“Ouch, Evans, let me have my dignity for at least a minute after you stomp on my heart,” James said, but he was laughing. So Lily laughed too. James shook his head, making his insanely untidy hair flap about before settling in a new pattern of unfathomable disarray. “If it’s alright… I would also like to be friends.”

Lily smiled. “And it won’t wound your ego?”

“Please, my ego is impenetrable at this point. I mean, you once told me you’d rather go out with a large crustacean, so to me this is nothing.”

Lily winced. “I’m sorry about that.”

“I deserved it. I was a being an arse. Publically.”

“Call it even?”  
“Alright.”

“Well…” James said.

“Well…” Lily echoed.

“I should probably get back to the Hospital Wing.”

“I should get to my homework.”

Lily stopped, turning back. “James?”

“Yes.”

“I…. I’m sorry. I hope you’re not terribly cross with me.”

James gave her an almost sad smile. “Don’t worry about it Lily. We’re friends.”

 

**(Now)**

Sirius was sprawled out on Lily’s bed, head hanging over the end. His hair was starting to grow out now, Lily noticed. And he had kept the earrings.

“I cannot believe your mother is letting me up here.”

“Yeah… me either,” Lily said, smiling. She had not told her mother that Sirius liked blokes, but she had a suspicion that her mother knew anyways.

“So, are you going to spend all of this year telling me off at school?” Sirius asked.

“I already do that,” Lily said, laughing.

“So Prongs says you’re coming to his party.”

“Yes. I am.”

Sirius smiled. “And you’re Head Girl… He’s Head Boy.”

“Sirius,” She said, laughing. “What will it take to get you off of this?”

“I think a wedding, some children, and a fiftieth anniversary party would do.” She frowned at him, and Sirius laughed. “Alright, I’m sorry, I’ll knock it off. I just think it’s funny.”

“Why?”

“Well you used to hate him. And me by extension, which still smarts, by the way. And now we’re all… friends.”

“Yeah,” Lily said, smiling.

 

**(Then)**

The school year was nearly over, and Lily was a little bit grateful. She was exhausted. Things were better, at least a little. Sirius seemed to have relaxed a bit since the incident with Dolohov; he said now that Dolohov knew he wasn’t convincible he didn’t have to spend all of his time worried that he could be turned. He confessed this to Lily one night after a Quidditch match, having drunk a few stolen Butterbeers.

“I was afraid I would do it.”

“You wouldn’t,” Lily said.

“I might have… if you hadn’t gotten there in time, I might have.”

Lily frowned, not because she thought he was being stupid, but because she understood. “It’s not a fault to care about your brother even if you don’t get along.”

Sirius shrugged. “I’m not sure I can take your word for it.”

“My sister… she hates magic. Hates that I’m magic. She... “ The words _hates me_ got caught in her throat.  She moved on without them. “We used to be best friends and now we can barely have a conversation when I’m home.” Lily sighed. “But if someone was threatening her? I don’t know what I would do… but I know I would want to save her.”

“I didn’t know that…” Sirius said. “I mean, I know you said you didn’t exactly get along with your sister but…” He sighed, then clinked their butterbeer bottles together. “Well, cheers, I guess.”

“To being black sheep?”

“I think in my family I’d have to be a white sheep to be different.”

She tittered with tipsy laughter. “I always feel like the singular form of sheep should be ‘shep.’ Like shepherd.”

“ _Lily Evans,_ my stars, are you drunk?”

Lily giggled. “A bit, I think. I usually don’t drink this much in front of you do I?”

Sirius’s face lit up. “Oh this is amazing news. You’re a drinker!”

“Oh, don’t, you’ll make me out as some kind of drunk!” But they had collapsed into a heap of giggling in the corner of the common room, and they kept laughing until they didn’t know what they were laughing about, and then laughed about that. Which was how Remus Lupin found them half an hour later.

“Lily,” he said, and she realized that she had only ever seen Remus Lupin drunk once before, and it was just as he was being put to bed by Peter and James. “I just wanted to tell you that I am very glad you and James saved Sirius. And that you know about my… furry little problem. Because you. Are. Nice.”

Lily and Sirius both cracked up. “I’m not nice, I’m a mudblood!”

“Don’t say that!”

“It’s okay if I say it, I think.”

Sirius shrugged. “Dunno, mate.”

“We’re such a merry band of misfits, aren’t we?” Lily said, smiling.

“Oh we ought to invite Wormtail and Prongs then, they definitely qualify.”

“How come you have those really odd nicknames?” Lily asked. “I mean, I’ve worked out Moony but... “

Sirius was giving her a look of uncertainty, but Remus reached over, took a sip of her drink and said. “They are Animagi. A stag… a god, no, a _dog_ , and a rat.”

“Remus is actually terrible with secrets,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes. “All it takes is a few butterbeers and he’d sell his own parents out.”

“It’s true,” Remus said, hanging his head. “Very bad with them. Secrets. ‘S probably how they all worked it out about me in second year.”

Sirius nodded. “There’s no way your mum could have been sick that much and not kick it.”

“Tactful, Padfoot.”

“Cheers, Moony.”

**(Now)**

 

Lily wore a sundress to James’s party. Sirius insisted on picking her up on his motorbike, now bewitched to fly, for the sake of an entrance.

So Lily wore a pair of shorts under the sundress. Just as a precaution.

The ride was amazing. Freezing, and loud, but amazing. She got to see as the sun began to sink while she was in the sky. She had never been one for broomsticks, but this was something else.

After landing in the Potters’ back garden, her fingers frozen around Sirius’s waist, Lily burst out laughing. “That was mad!”

“I know!”

“Absolutely mad!”

“I know!”

“Can we go again?”

“Oi, you two, there’s a party going on!” Lily turned to see Peter Pettigrew standing a few feet away, holding a drink and waving them over.

“He thinks we’re in love,” Sirius stage whispered to Lily.

Lily laughed, and then turned to plant a kiss on Sirius’s cheek. “See you later, stud.”

“Bye pumpkin!”

She hurried toward Peter to join the party. He greeted her happily, steering her toward the drinks table, where she stopped to say hello to James and Remus. Lily was happy to see a number of their classmates were in attendance; the only people noticeably absent were from Slytherin. For a brief second, Lily imagined Severus’s face if he knew she was attending a party hosted by James Potter, that they were friends. Friends, which felt almost like a relief. Like they had been waiting forever to finally get to that point.

Lily imagined that Severus would find that detestable.

“Knut for your thoughts?” It was Sirius, smiling.

“It’s stupid…” she said, shrugging.

“Come on. Stupider than when I cried my eyes out at the end of West Side Story?”

Lily laughed. “I’m not sure anything can be.”

“But Tony dies! And nobody warned me!”

“It’s based on Romeo and Juliet! You ought to be more surprised that they didn’t both die!”

“What in the name of Merlin’s pants is a Julio and Romette?”

Lily laughed. “Muggle thing. Nevermind.”

Sirius nudged her. “Come on Evans. What’s the big thought happening in your brain?”

She turned to him, smiling. “I never expected that we would be friends. But I am very glad that we are.”

“Merlin, Evans, you’ll make me blush,” Sirius said. But he actually did blush, just a little. “I’m glad we’re mates too, you sentimental git.”

“Oi!”

**(Then)**

 

One early July morning, Lily rolled over, sighing, as she heard the telephone trill.


End file.
